Happy Holidays to You!

Wishing you a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year!  Enjoy every moment of your holiday traditions or have fun creating new ones. In our home, we take this time to reflect on all of our blessings and put our plans in place for the next year. We wish you all good things.

Thank you for reading this blog and being a part of our lives, however remotely you are. We thank you and wish you many blessings in the New Year.

Write Your Volunteerism and Charitable Contributions into Your 2010 Goals

This year for Christmas I gave the pot away. I took all of the money I would have spent on gifts for people- gifts they’d likely not remember 2 months later- and donated it to my favorite charity. Each person on my gift list received a holiday card with a note inside describing where their gift cash went.

It felt great to do that. It also had the bonus of freeing me up from not having to join the stampede at the mall or fret over gift-giving this year. A win-win.

As you write you goals for 2010, I encourage you to include your acts of charity. It could be a donation, decide how much and when to stick to it. It could be volunteering your time or family’s time, note how much time per week or month and what tasks you’ll likely be doing. Also, make sure to write about and share why this is important to you. How does it enrich your life to give to others? That after all, is probably the most important lesson you can pass on to your friends, family and colleagues.

Be giving in 2010. Give what you can. Map it out now so you have some direction... and simply to start the year off right.



Happy holidays.

The Harmonica Man... a great story to warm your heart and make you think

Its not often I'm touched by a story. I hope you read about Bahia in my blog a few months ago. She was a little girl that survived the odds while her dad still called her "fragile".


This week I had on CBS Evening News while I was doing something else and the story caught my ear and then my eye. It was about a Harmonica Man. I was first interested because I love the sound of a harmonica. It’s so raw and timeless. The harmonica, to me, symbolizes the heart of men and women- their courage, their strife, their sadness and their triumphs. I can see people playing it on their Appalachia porches with barely little else to their name and I can also see it being played in the best blues and jazz bars in the world. Its one of the greatest instruments- to me at least. I've digressed.

The Harmonica Man had survived at least 5 heart surgeries and was on 15 different daily medications. He lived in an RV. He made the conscious decision one day to stop taking the medication and allow himself to die. Instead of paying for the meds, he bought 300 harmonicas and took them to the local school children to teach them to play. After a couple months, and the realization he was still alive, he decided to buy more. That was several years ago. He has since brought on an assistant, through a generous $5,000 donation by someone who saw him on the news years ago, and now not only teaches them to play the harmonica but other instruments too. He's had a few more heart surgeries along the way but attributes his being alive not to the surgeries or meds (that he opted to forego) but to the children and purpose he created with them.

It’s a great story and I've barely done it justice. Watch it for yourself on CBS Evening News http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=5979464n&tag=contentMain;contentBody

Think about this story on many levels. Celebrate the Harmonica Man and his bravery and courage to live beyond the odds.

Happy Holidays.

Join me for Power Hour Wednesday, December 16 in Shadyside (Pittsburgh)

My friend Tom Baker hosts Power Hour each month at Alto Lounge on Copeland.

From Tom's Website:

"Come join difference makers and passionate leaders at the Get Involved! Power Hour. Each month we bring together difference makers to brainstorm ways to positively influence the region, assist each others businesses and organizations, and develop connections. We also feature brief speakers who will share about ways that you can Get Involved! and make a difference."

Its always a pleasure to be involved with Tom's events and activities. He practices what he preaches when it comes to being actively involved and making a difference in your communities. I'll be joined by other difference makers and leaders in Pittsburgh to share stories and ideas with guests.

I hope you'll join us. It should be a great time.



Visit Tom's event site here: http://www.bakerleadership.com/powerhour.html

Ethics Check!

Did you hear? Employees at a Walmart in Iowa found $10,000 in a tin can. The can sat on a counter for days before they opened it!  They called the police and turned the money in. My question to you is what would you have done if you found $10,000 in a tin can without any identification attached to it? What if you found it alone without anyone present? What if you found it with your best friend? What if it DID have identification - even just a name- in the can? What if it was $20 and not $10,000, would that make a difference?

Think about each of these answers. Ask questions I haven't posed here. Discuss this with your family. And, really flesh out why you'd do what you say you'd do. It could be an eye-opening exercise.

For the whole article on the cash visit http://kdka.com/watercooler/cash.tin.can.2.1357472.html

Happy Holidays.

Added Value this Holiday Season

6 Tips for Adding Value to your Business this Holiday Season

1. Offer free gift wrapping no matter what amount the purchase (all of your customers are valued right?)
2. Send handwritten notes (and handwritten envelopes) to those you hope to serve in 2010 and those you served in 2009
3. Reward your employees this season with something they really want (and you should know what your employees really want)
4. Invite those you value to an invitation-only cocktail hour celebrating them this season
5. Announce what your customers are in store for in 2010 (get them excited about the months ahead)
6. Be the model- enjoy the season (don't be a scrooge)

Bonus tip: I chose to celebrate this season by offering my clients and Champions 30-60% off services. I want to ensure they are geared up for the wonderful year ahead. Give your best clients something you rarely ever offer. You want them to always feel like a winner in your presence.

Join me at Heinz History Center, Saturday December 5th from 10-2

I had so much fun at this event last year. I'm honored to be invited back again this year. Join me at the Heinz History Center in Pittsburgh's historic Strip District tomorrow, Saturday, December 5th from 10-2. The even is free and open to the public.

I'll be on hand with more than 40 other authors. All genres will be there so you'll find something for everyone on your list.

Oh, and I'll have the Howard 430 radio that Flavius Jankauskas used in 1943 to hear my granfather's name from a Geman short-wave station!  You don't want to miss this.

Visit the Heinz History Center website to learn about this and other events: http://www.heinzhistorycenter.org/events.aspx?EventID=9

Save Yourself.

How many times do you ask yourself if this is worth your time? I hope often. I can’t tell you how many times each day I see people doing things that are not only wasting their time but detrimenting others too.

How many times did you drive 10+ miles to do a cost comparison on something you wanted to buy? I hope not in the last 5 years given the capabilities of the internet. Another example, we’ve all known that person who drives to another state or jurisdiction to save on taxes for a medium to large purchase. Did they add in their gas and time in the savings equation? Likely not. Final example, spending 40 employee hours on a proposal that will award you the same or less IF you win. Stop the madness.

How much is your time worth to you? Do you have an hourly figure? You should.

The same way our boss looks at cost estimates based on how much time they’ll require of you and how much s/he will gain or lose…. We should be doing the same with our own time. Ask yourself, “Is this a win or am I losing?” If losing how can you turn it into a win? Be creative and you’ll find a good solution.

Let’s look at the genius of the carpool. A band of people, women my guess, figured out that it was more productive for their time and money (gas) to establish a car pool for their kids school and extracurricular activities than for each of them to be the shuttle for their own small family. This is an example of a win for everyone.

Everyone complains about time- never having enough of it. I believe we all have enough we just don’t use it wisely. Be more like a carpool or a boss evaluating a job’s feasibility …for your life….. Stop wasting time and start enjoying it more. You really can you know.

Grassroots Organizing and Mundane Decisions

The other day I was walking along when I encountered two men outside a national book store chain handing out fliers. They didn’t look like the book selling type and I was right. They were protesting. They didn’t look like the youthful protesters we are accustomed to, having just had the G-20 in our city. They were men in their 50’s who looked like professors. I grabbed for a flier.


They were protesting the book store’s decision to hire a local contractor who paid “unfair wages” to employees and wasn’t a part of a local membership organization (trade organization). Interesting. I had never seen this before.

Their flier was well done. It laid out the concerns with several points of contention. It called us all to be concerned and told us why. It had someone we could call for more information and of course, an action item to not patronize the store.

No matter what you think of unions, and I think I’ve heard it all, this was a grassroots and clever way to disrupt people’s casual thinking about the retail experience. No longer should you simply shop somewhere because the product is good. You should feel good about how the product got there. This is a personal topic of choice for me and I’ll save it for a future blog.

Today’s point is that you have to be very careful about decisions you may find mundane. They may bite you later on. Choosing the lower cost almost always comes at a cost, whether now or down the road. Don’t allow anyone to bully your decision either. Just make sure you’ve weighed all of the options and are prepared for any related consequences.

Happy holiday shopping.

How We are Effected by What is Around Us

I was walking home yesterday from an appointment. I like to walk and the mile or so from point A to point B is usually very pleasant. But yesterday it was different. It was raining and a little chilly. That in and of itself wouldn’t have bothered me. The trouble came when you added other people to the mix. People in cars who were in a hurry to get nowhere.

The speed limit on the road I was on is 35 mph. I imagine the cars were doing at least 50 mph- in the rain. The sidewalk distance to the road varies from 1 foot to 5 feet. As the cars are racing past me, I felt my blood pressure rise. I realized I was becoming angry at how senseless they were being (to me at least). The real winner was the guy who hit a huge puddle right beside me. I refrained from yelling.

The dangerousness of the situation aside, the visual and auditory stimuli of this situation unnerved me. The same way I hate to be awoken from sleep with a loud or jarring noise (I believe most of us feel this way).

Ironically, I had just been to a domestic abuse meeting that day. As I listened to the educators I thought specifically about the verbal and emotional abuse that people live with everyday in their homes and workplaces. That constant berating and negativity takes a strong hold on your psyche and chips away at it little by little.

That meeting and my experience walking home have more in common than you might think. It’s about putting yourself (or allowing yourself) to be in constantly detrimenting situations- whether you realize it or not. I could have ignored my blood pressure rising and my anger building on that walk. But I didn’t. I identified it and then began trying to see how I could remedy it. The easiest answer is to not take that same walk/path again due to the nature of the speeding cars. It’s a shame. I’ll miss the beauty that also comes with that walk as I pass the park and forest. But, a little bit of beauty at a dangerous price is no prize. There is a lesson in life.

Spahr Happenings...

Wow! We are coming off of one of our busiest weeks of the year.


Last week we toured the Pittsburgh area visiting with Redstone Highlands in North Huntingdon, Seneca Manor in Verona, the hosts of Word FM and KDKA Today Live, and began our journey to Bethlehem PA.

In Bethlehem we visited with the residents of Country Meadows and then had a sold-out book signing at the Moravian Book Shop, the oldest book shop in the country. We met up with our family and celebrated Thanksgiving early. We stayed at the Historic Hotel Bethlehem and even got to visit JustBorn, where peeps are made! (My mom loves Peeps!) It was a wonderful trip- from the people, to the food, the shopping and the history! On our way back, we stopped to pay our respects at Fort Indiantown Gap National Cemetery.

Now, we’re back to our busy lives in Pittsburgh. I’m hosting the Champions Conference call next week, on goal setting and achievement. Guests can join us for $20 live or listen to the recording at their leisure. We’re also preparing to close 2009 with a few more book talks, the release of our new book: The Coach’s Guide to Wedding Planning, and prepare for 2010. We expect it to be another great year with new milestones!

Author Interview on KDKA Pittsburgh Today Live

Celebrating Veterans Day this week, I was honored to be on KDKA's Pittsburgh Today Live show. View the show segment here: http://kdka.com/video/?id=65063@kdka.dayport.com

Honey’s Story

Post-Gazette.com

Here’s a good story for you. Honey was a shelter dog, described as black and white, who gave birth to a litter of 6 pups. She was splashed over dozens of print and through other media as she stepped up, or the shelter offered her up, to serve as a surrogate to nine African painted dog pups at the Pittsburgh Zoo, when their own mother died while giving birth.

Go honey go! I imagine she is quite tired after serving two families.

What a wonderful story. Not just for Honey. But, for shelter dogs everywhere. And, for us. It doesn’t matter your pedigree nor your social status in the way you can give- and be recognized. We should all heed this call.

Can you imagine how many people now want to adopt Honey? You see when someone, or something, is brought to the limelight we pay more attention. When people, or in this case Honey, does a good deed- we watch and applaud.

What “Honey-like” thing have you done lately? How have you served others, those unrelated to you?

Let’s all be like Honey. No matter where we came from. No matter what our current status. Let’s stand up, do something wonderful and welcome the recognition. It could change our world.

For more on the story see: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09308/1010601-455.stm

Failed Systems and Positive Reinforcement

I was really appalled by the tragic story of a young woman being attacked at her high school dance in Richmond California the other week. As a psychologist I am familiar with, although do not condone, the social workings of individuals in groups who watch crimes but do not report them nor help the victim. It was such a heinous crime with so many opportunities for people to do the right thing, and they all failed. I applaud the young woman who finally notified authorities when she heard people talking about the crime. She did the right thing.

But, as I was reading about the case a few statistics popped out at me. According to a report from CBS News (linked in this blog title), Richmond High School has a truancy rate of 69% AND had 19 student murders last year. You can read that again if you need to. It bears re-reading.

Now, if this isn’t a “failed state” or entity I haven’t yet seen one. This is a broken system. The billion dollar question is what do you do with a poor system?

What would you do if your business was broke? Your family wasn’t working? I am hoping the answer is to realign the priorities and make sure the members are on board. Bring in the experts to fix the problem. Who the experts are is a matter for another book, let alone blog.

The answer is NOT to positively reinforce school failure with dances and other unnecessary social elements when the basics of education are not being met. We do not need to throw gold stars at failing systems. I was sickened to read one school official quoted as saying the “dance was a success”. Ask the victim if she agrees with that.

(If I were Queen for a day) I would recommend this school be taken over immediately, by some entity- we can argue which one- that can instill order and ensure that students are afforded the basic necessities of a good education: safety, books and materials, teachers, counselors, discipline and order, respect, a learning environment, etc… All other elements are unnecessary.

Wow. You might be saying. You’re tough! I am. I am also the product of an alternative school. My high school had only the necessary elements listed above. We didn’t have dances. We didn’t have sports teams and mascots. We didn’t have elements that set people up for failure (including events that attract drinking and trespassers). We had books, teachers, and a whole lot of learning. We all chose to be there for 3 to 6 hours a day and then most of us went to work somewhere for the remainder of the day. If you missed 3 days (without a medical excuse) you were out. Out. You couldn’t come back. Yes, this was a public school.

Don’t reward failed states, failed systems. It’s adding fuel to the fire. Get control of what you can. Find others to do what you can’t.

Know your numbers. 69% truancy is not something to be proud of.

Celebrate Veterans Day the Whole Month Long!

Although I am really fired up about the gang rape at Richmond High School, and have a few strong opinions on the matter, I'll save that for my next blog entry. Today, I have happier news to share....

November is such a great month to celebrate our veterans, their families and the communities that support them. Thank you to all.

I was meeting with our book team last week and I could barely keep track of all of our articles, events, leads, etc... This is a wonderful problem to have. Therefore, I wanted to share some of our upcoming events and invite you to join us live, on the internet or in spirit. Nevertheless, I hope you join your local festivities in celebration of Veterans Day this month.
To name just a few:

November 3rd Three Veterans, Three Stories: Three Lives of Service at the John A. Brashear Lodge No. 743 6:30 PM

November 11th KDKA Pittsburgh Today Live - I'll be interviewed between 9 and 10 AM (watch or view later online at http://kdka.com/ptl)

November 11th Introduction to Veteran’s Entrepreneurship 9 AM-12:30 PM (I won't be there personally but think the world of the two veterans putting it on)

November 14th the oldest book shop in the country, the Moravian, in Bethlehem PA for a book signing and discussion 1-3 PM

December 5th the Heinz History Center Author Book Fair from 10 AM- 1 PM

I'm on Facebook and use it more and more as time goes on to keep in touch with everyone. I have a group for World War II Radio Heroes: Letters of Compassion (my book) and encourage everyone to post relevant discussions and post events to the site. I also have a page for our wildly successful Champions Series. Champions and friends will be welcome to post discussions and events there as well. This is particularly exciting for the Champions who don't live in Pittsburgh or find it challenging to make our events. Please friend me on Facebook and join our respective groups. We welcome you.

I also have a newsletter for those who want to follow our book events and activities and a separate newsletter, the Living Better Newsletter, for those who want to liver happier and strike greater balance in their lives. You can join both or one or the other by clicking on the link on the right under my picture with Lou.

Finally, we are also offering 10% off any purchases made on our website for the month of November to celebrate service. www.powletters.com

Wishing you a wonderful November and December as we wind down 2009. I hope you have had a successful year and are enjoying all that life has to offer.

If you need more information about any of these events just email me.

Don’t Make it Hard for Me to Give You My Money

I am often amazed at how companies and people make it hard to donate or buy goods and services. Take this example, from my experience this week:

A monumental endeavor was underway in Pittsburgh to offer donors matching funds one one day, for a 30 minute window. I’m in! I love stuff like this. Great marketing. Great buzz. Get people excited. And, a good way to promote giving- particularly as we embark on the holidays and charities are feeling a squeeze. Great set up.

Ok. So, I do all of my homework ahead of time. I picked my charity. I created my sign on. I put in on my calendar.

I sat at my work station 10 minutes before the big event waiting…. I signed on and at 2 minutes past the hour I made my sizable donation. My donation, by the way, will serve as my holiday giving it its entirely. I decided to donate all of my usual holiday spending rather than buy gifts few will even remember next year.

Here’s where the trouble comes in. I signed on minutes before the big event to be ahead of the game. I made my donation on the minute that the match was to begin. But, I never got a confirmation that my donation was matched. I did get a confirmation and receipt of my donation but no sign that it was in fact matched, which was the whole reason for giving via this particular site on this day and time. Otherwise, I would have walked it to my charity of choice and avoided the 5% processing fee.

I emailed the host site/organization (not my charity) asking how donors would know that their contributions were matched.

I got a response apologizing for my frustration (I wasn’t frustrated, just curious, at this point) for not being able to sign in (not my question).

I emailed them again, highlighting that their response didn’t match my question. I successfully signed in and donated. I was just wondering how we’d know for sure our money was matched.

I got a response telling me that they couldn’t access my private credit card information and I’d have to speak to another agency about that. (again, not my question)

Bottom Line: I’ll never donate using that methods, site, and organization again. Simple.

The Red Flags: They didn’t have a good system in place to finish the game (people want to know they WON a match by signing on early and donating in minutes). Further, they didn’t read the emails sent to them by donors well enough to offer an accurate or thoughtful response. And, they tried to pass me on to another agency entirely. Bad. Bad. Bad.

What I’ll do next time: Hand deliver my check to my charity of choice and look for other more reliable matching methods.

Companies Beware: You need to make it easy for people to give you their money. If you hype something up and make it a game, follow through with the hype and let them know they are a winner! Who wants to run a race and not know where they placed?!

And, take the extra time to READ the emails your customers send you and then respond. If not, you’ll lose your customers, as is the case here.

A Very Special Veteran's Day Program- Join us in Pittsburgh November 3, 2009

This is a photo of my grandmother, Kathryn, and my grandfather, Robert. He was a POW in WWII, held for 26 months. I had the opportunity to get to know my grandmother through the age of 5 and my grandfather through 12. I'll cherish those memories.

I have been invited, thus I am inviting you, to share in a wonderful Veterans Day Program celebration on November 3rd at a local Masonic Lodge. I hope you will consider joining me in thanking our veterans, their families and their supporters for a job well done.

On Tuesday, November 3, 2009 John A. Brashear Lodge No. 743 will conduct a new kind of Veterans Day celebration. Typically we commemorate the day in many of the traditional ways we see in our communities. This year’s program is titled Three Veterans, Three Stories: Three Lives of Service. Our speakers will share their stories of veterans who touched their lives and how they’ve turned to serving thousands through their life’s work. Speakers include Lisa Spahr, author of World War II Radio Heroes; Sgt. Lee Wagner, USMC; and Summer Tissue, Founder of Military Connections.

We will welcome ladies and non masons to this event, in conjunction with the theme of the program. The program will run from 6:30 PM to approximately 9 PM.

Evening Proceeds and Donations will be made to Military Connections, a non-profit organization that ships equipment, care packages, and supplies to troops stationed overseas. The holiday season is fast approaching and many of our Soldiers and Marines do not receive care packages from anyone, but Military Connections, who ships over 900 care packages a month. Over 700 of the troops on the Military Connection mailing list have no family or friends to send them a box. We want to ensure that they are not forgotten. This year, Military Connections is attempting to ship over 10,000 filled Christmas stockings to the troops. Each stocking costs $30 to fill and ship. Any support we receive for this project will boost morale at an especially difficult time.

Masons through history have supported their countries through military service, and they have been privileged to support the contributions of our veterans through the years. This year we are pleased to broaden our focus to the family and the community at large, and recognize their sacrifice. We grow as citizens through our families, and draw strength from the support of our communities. This will be the focus of our celebration for Veteran’s Day.

"Why are there Socks in Your Purse?"

Throughout the year I take stock in all that I have. Doing so allows me to limit the “I want…” language and increase the “I have …” Usually at the top of my list is some reference to my mental faculties. I’m sure that being a psychologist has given me the special gift of appreciation for mental stability that most people take for granted. Waking each day and being able to make choices about my life, with some sense of clarity I hope, gives me joy. Its part of why I coach others. Some lose sight of their choices or they feel overwhelmed by them. I help remedy those situations.

Along those lines is the wonderful ability to learn. So many of us stop learning or at least actively doing it or practicing it. We get into routines that direct our lives without much thought or creativity. Think about it…. What is the last thing you learned? What have you changed about your habits or routine?

The socks… I’m getting there.

So, the other week I was preparing for a doctors visit, the OB-GYN to be specific. (I can hear the groans now. Don’t stop reading. The story is clean I assure you.) I am always cold at the doctor’s office- no matter which office, no matter which city I’ve lived. I’m always cold. Yet, it was warm outside, warranting light clothing, sandals, no hose or socks. It was as though the “aha” light bulb went off. I could take socks with me! It was like a best girlfriend was yelling it from the heavens. What a novel idea! Take what you’ll need to comfort yourself later. Brilliant.

I’ve been going to the doctor and shivering, much of my life. Why now, at 36, did it dawn on me to take socks? Who cares! It did. The fact is that I identified a problem and then figured it out! Who cares that I was a little late in doing so. You know what they say…. Better late than…

I suggest you try to find solutions to the pains that exist in your life and your activities. Think beyond the routine. The solutions may be simple, as mine was, or it could be wildly creative and complex. Use your brain. Be thankful for it and its abilities. It’s a beautiful thing.

Keys to Motivation

Last week I had the distinct pleasure to speak to the Volunteer Administrators of Southwestern Pennsylvania (VASP) at their annual Super-Conference. There are those conferences that stand out in my years of doing this and VASP will definitely be one of them. The audience was filled with volunteers and paid professionals who help run social service and emergency assistance agencies nationwide. These are the people that get the job done- and many of them do it with non-paid volunteers who work around the clock. All of us owe them a hearty thank you for the work they do.

I spoke with them about motivation. The highlights from the talk are:

• Be what you want others to be (and do what you want others to do)
  One woman mentioned cleaning the toilets at a local park where she organized a huge walk-a-thon. She knew that if volunteers didn’t have a clean area to rest they would be unlikely to come back. There was no job too little for her to do to ensure the mission was carried out. You must lead by example.
  
• Identify your passions and purpose. What fuels you? What keeps you working hard for the mission? Make sure you begin each day with purpose. Do like Ben Franklin did, ask yourself what good you can do today. Then, ask yourself what you’ve accomplished at the end of the day.
  
• Get to know your people. We all aren’t motivated by the same things. If you are in charge of others or work with them, it’s important to know what fuels them. Ask them. Take an interest in their lives. How you motivate them will reveal itself in that relationship.
  
• Get ready for any opportunity. I always visualize this as the track stars get in their position waiting the signal that they can begin their sprint or race. Are you in that position? Are you ready for the opportunities that await you? Is your team?
  

If you are jazzed about something so much it shows on your face, its what you talk about, it’s the thing that everyone knows about you…. It will be contagious. People will jump on the wagon with you. They’ll want to be with you on the mission. Create that environment. It all starts with you…. One person.

Thanks VASP for the opportunity to talk about motivation. I really loved spending the day with you. - Lisa

Are Your Employees Ready to be Busy?

My husband and I go to the same bagel shop every weekend. Sometimes, both weekend mornings. And, sometimes we even go for coffee on a weekday. We really enjoy the place. We grab our usual seats by the window and settle in for an hour or longer.

The food and service are usually pretty consistent. Random times we have to wonder if our bagels were really toasted or if we gave them the wrong order- resulting in a little different outcome than we expected. (smile) But, we grin and roll with it. We are very agreeable customers- at least I think so.

This morning, however, was “one to take the cake or bagel” so to speak. It was wildly busy (which does happen during every shift). We stood in line for about 15 minutes. No big deal. We were up for it. I said my usual, “hello” to the new-ish clerk behind the counter when she looked up at us in exhaustion. I got a tepid “hi” back. She took our order and I sensed trouble. She didn’t seem as familiar with the system as the seasoned clerks we know so well.

15-20 minutes later my bagel came out. By itself. It did not accompany my potatoes nor was my husband’s meal in sight. 10 minutes later, my husband inquired as my bagel sat quietly cooling to room temp, loosing the lovely gooiness that the peanut butter possesses on a warm one. “It’s coming,” the newbie said before he opened his mouth. He sat back down. 10 minutes later he inquired again. “It’s coming.” Finally we saw it across the room. My potatoes still missing in action. Later they emerged- cool to the touch. While my husband was up at the counter asking them to toast his 40+ minute late meal, I was quickly behind him with my potatoes. Now I was perturbed. It took 5 minutes for anyone to pay any attention but when they did I asked for a fresh batch of potatoes- and ones without a foreign object (a mushroom or piece of meat) in them. I think she rolled her eyes.

I could go on with the story but I’ll spare you as I had hoped to be spared myself.

The gist is that even loyal customers are not going to forgive bad service. TRAIN YOUR STAFF to recognize busy atmospheres from a customer’s perspective. They pay the same price and expect the same consistency in service and food quality. They pay more in fact, because they are willing to wait in lines and wait a little longer for HOT food.

We understand the stress level is higher during busy times. We know you are working hard. But, we are still your customers. We do have the right to expect a few things from you- even when you are busy.

I really wanted to say, “I am really sorry that you are so busy.” But, I don’t know that any of them would have gotten the real meaning of my statement.

We’ll find another favorite. Thanks. I take my money too seriously to tolerate bad service and bad food.

Workplace and Off Hours Ethics- They do matter!

This week I’ve been quoted in the Examiner, twice, on workplace ethics issues. First, was the article discussing the support Roman Polanski has received for his hide and seek role in a rape case from the 1970’s. The conversation then generalized to non-famous employees and others who behave badly off hours.

See these links for both articles:
http://www.examiner.com/x-13521-SF-Workplace-Communication-Examiner~y2009m10d4-Roman-Polanski-supporters-Who-cares-about-rape-Hes-great-at-his-job
http://www.examiner.com/x-13521-SF-Workplace-Communication-Examiner~y2009m10d5-Should-your-private-life-affect-your-career

Here’s an excerpt from an email I sent the writer, Kenya McCullum.

… Professionals should have personal lives but they need to be accountable to their constituents, customers, bosses, companies, etc... and conduct their personal lives accordingly. Look at all of the political scandals that result from affairs. Look at today's news piece on Letterman admitting affairs that someone tried to extort him for. Look at teachers who behave like teenagers- with teenagers. Yes, we should hold certain professions and professionals to a high standard. How would you want a police officer to act off duty?

Integrity and professional conduct are becoming the only hallmarks a good resume needs to feature. Skills are taking a backseat. Want ads should ask" honest wo/men wanted".

Crime is an altogether another animal to open some great discussion. When is it ok to fire an employee who commits a crime (and what level of criminal behavior would be acceptable)? These are great questions. More companies are getting into ethical and legal considerations than ever before- and I think they should be.

Enjoy your life- but be careful to choose a profession that allows you to enjoy it to the extent and in the ways you want. Don't jeopardize your fellow employees and company's reputation. They deserve more than that.

Join me at VASP in Pittsburgh Friday October 9th

I am pleased and honored to be a featured speaker at this year's Volunteer Administrators of Southwestern Pennsylvania's conference. I will be speaking on motivation- how to do it for yourself and your employees (whether they are paid or not).

I usually talk about time management, stress reduction and goal achievement, so this will be a welcome change of pace. I'll talk about motivation through storytelling- sharing some well known leaders of motivation as well as those stories closer and more intimate to me. I'm expecting some great energy- from the talk as well as the conference as a whole.

Think about what motivates you. When is the last time you felt wildly compelled to DO SOMETHING? What were the driving forces?

Also consider, how would you motivate others to help you achieve your current mission/s?

Boy, is She Annoying?

I recently watched a well-known, and I believe well-loved, talk show host and chef on her daily show. I must have been a captive victim, in an airplane or something. The situation is escaping me. As you know I don’t watch much television and I certainly don’t make it a daily chore to watch anything consistently- except the Office.

Wow. I found her to be outrageous! She was so very offensive to her audience (I hope they realized it… or maybe I don’t, ignorance can be joy to some). She was attempting to multi-task (cook and take questions) and was doing it poorly. Her inability to do so made her responses short and insulting. Let me give you an example:

(audience member) Q: XXX, I really love your show. I struggle to make risotto. I find it so hard. What is your secret?

(host) A: Risotto is not hard. There is nothing to it. 20 minutes on the fire with constant stirring and steady addition of the risotto is all.

Do you see what I see? Someone told her that they struggle with something and that they find it hard (they emphasized their challenge) and she told them they were wrong. It’s easy. Look at me! Ugh.

The other offense she made was not allowing guests to ask their questions completely. She cut them off about 10 words in- every time. Mind you, she never cut them off when they were singing praises about her. Outrageous. I understand TV is on a timeline between commercials but that is something you control for in other ways. Allowing the host to look rude and insult is only acceptable if that is the show you are running (and sadly there are those shows out there).
Some people are a long winded and their question is quite intelligent and complex- they need more than 10 words to get there!

I’m saddened, but not surprised, that someone that seems annoyed by her guests, is arrogant and offensive has her own show, magazine, etc… She clearly has a following.

Unfortunately this happens, we fall in love with someone and we try to remain true to that love no matter what they do to us. We want to still love them. But, at some point we have to open our eyes and witness it from today’s perspective. Not 10 years ago. Maybe they once were great to us (and themselves). And, now maybe they are just great to themselves. Time to find another love.

Today’s blog is to remind us to live with our eyes open, with a perspective of today and the future. The past is the past. Don’t allow it to dictate your today or your tomorrow.

Also, be mindful when you’ve lost your own way and are no longer delivering the quality of care others deserve (in your work or your home life). Be your best- every day. Don’t slack off. You may find yourself without a fan base if you do.

Sensitivity. Does anybody have any anymore?

Recently I was at the doctor’s office. I was there to have a second ultrasound to examine a cyst on my ovary. Later that day I was to have a biopsy on some tissue in my cervix- an altogether unrelated issue but ultimately tragic as far as timing goes. What a day!

All of that I could deal with. The trouble came when I walked into the ultrasound office to be surrounded by pregnant women, photos of babies (hundreds of them) on the wall and an air of family planning. What a great place this would be for those expecting. Not such a great place for those trying to conceive who are having difficulty (and I don’t consider myself in this class). Not a great place to be as you contemplate cancer which may interfere with your reproduction possibilities in the future.

This experience brings me to the topic of sensitivity. Professionally we owe it to our clients and those who encounter our business or work within it. Personally, we should strive to deliver it in our daily lives. But, how does one acquire sensitivity? Do we know when we are being insensitive, absent someone telling us?

Here are three keys to becoming more sensitive:
1. Open your eyes. Observe more. Recognize when someone’s facial expression changes. Be aware of someone’s physical challenges. Become an investigator with trained eyes as you look at people and a given situation.
2. Step outside of yourself. Ask yourself how that person (or a person with a different situation) might feel in this setting? This exercise will increase your IQ and make you see the world far differently, if you do it often enough. You can think of people you know or know about- how would they feel or what would you imagine they’d think in this situation? You can do it.
3. Be willing to ask. When in doubt, ask. Ask politely with compassion as the foundation. Very few people will be offended at that. Instead of, “I have no idea why or how that offended you!” Ask, “I’m asking because I don’t know but I want to better understand. Can you tell me how you’d feel if….?” Or, “I’m concerned that I may have (or my colleague may have) offended you in some way. Can you help me understand so that I don’t make the same mistake again?” Let people know that you want to be sensitive to their needs/culture/desires, etc…. Be honest. Be willing to learn something.

Yes, some will say, “Get over it. Everything seems offensive to someone today.” Yes, to some degree I understand what you are saying and even agree with you. But, why wouldn’t you want to know when you are the one offending others? Why wouldn’t you want to try to understand where they are coming from? It’s not only affecting your business but its affecting your relationships (which can also affect your business).

Think about the last time you were sensitive to something. How did it make you feel? Wouldn’t you have wanted someone to try to make right on the situation?

In my above example, I believe the hospital should only send family planning ultrasounds to that particular office. I think they should send all others to another facility 2 blocks away and/or another ultrasound office in the same building (if they have one). I can only imagine a woman falling apart in there as a result of the setting. It wasn’t me on that day but it could have been.

Know When to Say When....

Being back in Philly… it was incredible.

I lived in Philadelphia from 1993-1997 while attending Temple University. I lived in North, West and then the art museum area. I loved it. Sure, it had its ups and downs but I loved it. I always said if I found a great job back there I would have returned.

Fast forward 12 years later. I went to Philadelphia last week for a few reasons: the PA Governor’s Conference for Women on Thursday, a book signing at the Big Blue Marble Bookstore in Mt. Airy on Friday and to meet Flavius Jankauaskas, a hero in my book World War II Radio Heroes, on Saturday. Plus I planned to hit some of the old stomping grounds.

My trip was filled with mixed emotions. I walked some of the same paths I had taken years before. Now, with more money- so I splurged on restaurants I could have never afforded to go to as a student. But, with the same sense of uncertainty. Then it was about where I’d go from here. Now, it was about what I had hoped Philly would do for me today.

I must confess that safety was an issue for me. Likely because when I lived there I was attacked. I had recovered, what I thought, was relatively quickly from it but nevertheless a feeling of security avoided me while I was there trying to visit the random sections of the city I had once known. I am also less accustomed to vagrancy as it exists in Philadlelphia. I live in a city-dwelling of Pittsburgh yet am removed from most homelessness and begging as I encountered in Philly.

And, the city seemed far younger than I was comfortable with. Everyone was out for a night on the town while I walked or rode in the taxi solo. I just wanted an outstanding meal- minus the shots of jagermeister and the flirtation of the guy next to me.

I visited one of the old homes I occupied while living there. It seemed littered and sad. Not the youthful, hip, open-door place I had recalled.

I could go on.. but perhaps over a coffee one day I’ll tell you the rest.

Final note: the SEPTA smelled. Not necessarily bad, just smelled. I passed an entrance and quickly recalled the familiar odor. It didn’t repulse me but it did jog my memory to only that which it was- SEPTA. I rode it again for old times. Yep, got lost again- bad directions from one of the cashiers.

Okay, one more, just because I’m feeling moody about this… This was the only place in the world I have asked 3 people to take a picture of me and a friend and heard the word “NO”. They acted as if I was trying to sell them something. It was rude. I’ve journeyed all over this beautiful world and this is how my beloved city of Philadelphia treated me.

I share this because I am enthralled with the experience. But I also share it as a coaching moment, believe it or not.

REALIZE WHEN YOU’VE OUTGROWN A PLACE.
REALIZE WHEN A PLACE CAN NO LONGER LIVE UP TO YOUR POTENTIAL.
KNOW WHEN TO SAY WHEN.
GROW UP.

I have. Philly is no longer that place I dream about returning. It’s that place I may enjoy heading back to for a couple days with a friend but not more than that. Thanks Philly for being what you were when I needed you to be that.

Now, let’s focus on the G-20 coming to Pittsburgh this week.

Multi-tasking and Juggling is OUT; Focus and Prioritization is IN

We’ve been hearing it for a while. After we all became comfortable with touting our multi-tasking abilities! The news hit…. multi-taskers don’t get quality work done.

We’ve tried to hide from the truth. Hoping the results would be different. But they aren’t.

STOP multi-tasking. STOP having 10 balls in the air at one time. You aren’t doing yourself, your family or your company any favors.

START to focus. START to prioritize your projects and activities. START to apply 100% of yourself to ONE thing at a time.

Here’s how it can look (customize it to your day and activities):

7:30-8:00 Creative writing or reading of industry articles
8:00-8:20 Email
8:20-8:45 Phone calls that you prioritized that need to go out
8:45-9:15 Activity 1 (30 minutes of dedicated time without interruptions)
Stretch or take a 5 minute break
9:20-11:30 Activity (uninterrupted)
11:30-11:45 Email
11:45-12:00 Phone calls that you prioritized that need to go out

Here’s how it should NOT look:

(NO dedicated time to email, phone and creative process or specific tasking)
Constant review of email
Constant calls received and made
5 minutes of activity #1
Take phone call
8 minutes of activity #2
Respond to someone on Facebook
3 minutes of activity #3
Unsolicited phone call received
Lunch at your desk reading email and trying to read an industry magazine article

…. You get the picture

Focus. Prioritize. And for goodness sake, stop saying, "I'm a great multi-tasker." Thats so passe.

Join me in Philadelphia September 16-19th!

Join me in Philadelphia this week!

The Pennsylvania's Governor's Conference for Women will be held on Thursday, September 17th. Visit http://www.pagovernorsconferenceforwomen.org/ for more details.

On Friday, September 18th, I'll be signing books at the Big Blue Marble Bookstore in Mt. Airy. Visit http://www.bigbluemarblebooks.com/ for more information.

It will be good to be back on my old stomping grounds. I left Philadelphia when I graduated from Temple University in 1997. I've missed it so much. I'm looking forward to visiting some of the old neighborhoods, eateries and of course, the Temple Bookstore to pick up a few goodies to show off my pride.

Jump Start Your Creativity

I didn’t think of myself as a creative person until I was in my 30’s. I’m not sure if it was entertaining or networking and business needs that brought it out in me, but nevertheless I now consider myself (as others do) to be pretty creative.

To jump start your creativity or to find it, I encourage you to do the following:

• Every few minutes ask yourself, “wouldn’t it be cool if….”?
  

Allow your imagination to take hold and start to dream of the possibilities or the non-possibilities that would be great if they existed!

Another creativity trick is to hone in your observations skills.

• Start to pay closer attention to other people’s creativity. Identify someone or something that you think is creative. Upon labeling it as creative think about your own ability to do it or something similar. Before you know it you’ll be putting your own spin on a creative work.
  
  

Remember, we are what we eat. The same philosophy holds for ‘we are what we surround ourselves with”. If you want to embody something, surround yourself with people who have that attribute. Read about it. Think about it. And, it will be.

It’s that simple. Now, wouldn’t it be cool if…..

5 Tips for Pursuing Employment

It’s a wild emotional rollercoaster ride- being gainfully employed and feeling secure than then given the dreaded “we don’t need you anymore” or “we can’t afford to keep you on” line.

At first you may rationalize that a few weeks or months off will do you good. After all, you’ll be getting unemployment (if you are lucky). Why not take a rest?

But at some point you’ll start to worry. You’ll hear of others not getting jobs and not being able to care for themselves and their families. You’ll start to wonder what kind of job you’ll have to take to make ends meet.

You’ll go through various stages- anger, depression, self-pity, annoyance, defiance, sadness, guilt…. It won’t be easy. But, it will pass if you put yourself on the right track.

Here are 5 Tips for getting you on the right track:

1. Get up every day at a decent hour (say 7 AM) and get out of the house.
2. Volunteer at least 20 hours a week at a place or with people you will enjoy and feel like your contribution matters (animal shelters, religious institutions, senior centers, non-profits of all sorts, hospitals, etc…).
3. Go to at least 2 networking groups or social group events each week. (Google groups in your area for various areas of interest- there are also groups for the unemployed)
4. Have a resume ready to go for each area of interest you have or area you may want to target (a general resume, a technical resume, a “field-specific” resume like healthcare).
5. Let everyone in your life know that you are looking for your next position (not job) in the xxx area. Make sure people know you are looking and they are looking out for you. Don’t make it sound desperate- keep it positive and professional. Make sure they know what you do or want to do. Help them help you better. And, don’t forget to ask them how you can help them!
6. Bonus Tip #6: It goes without saying, but you should be spending at least 2 hours a day actively looking for open positions and targeting companies you want to work for. Call them. Submit resumes. Don’t just spend your time in the “research” mode. You must be in the “sending” “calling” and “doing” modes. You can’t be interviewed for what you don’t put in for!
   
   If you like these tips let me know and I’ll send you 5 more!
   
   

Champions Series- Become a Champion

It dawned on me more than a year ago. People kept calling and asking to take me to lunch. They wanted advice. The advice they sought ran the gammut. But they all needed an ear- a professional, confidential, reasonable ear. I was honored they chose mine. However, I could easily spend 40 hours a week having coffee and lunch with these good folks- and not making a profitable business out of my work! So, I designed the Champions Series.

The Champions Series offers members a new hot topic each month. We learn together about something new- or something we need to refresh ourselves with. The Champions pick the topics. I run the show. We all win. They also get private consultations with me each month- to talk about whatever they like. Again, a win-win. And, I kept it at the cost of a decent lunch for two. $39 a month.

I'm really proud of the Champions Series. I love it. It works. We've had less than 2% of members drop out over the last year. We'll celebrate our first birthday in October!

In case you are wondering, more details are found below. Champions are all over the United States. Some attend our meetings, most prefer to receive a monthly audio file (via email) with the seminar. We welcome you to learn more!

(This month is an anomoly. We are closed to guests without prior pre-approval due to the nature of our meeting. We'll be doing some mastermind work with members. I pride our group on being particular about members. I guarantee the quality, professionalism and confidentiality of our members and their learnings of others in the group.)

Spahr Consulting
- A life coach for better living
Champions Series

For the price of dinner you can invest in yourself and your business- with other Champions! Finally -a flavor of coaching that fits your needs.

Champions Membership is open to those who are interested in personal and professional growth. A Champion is one who invests in him/herself and recognizes the potential for improvement in all areas.

The Champions Series:
- will introduce you to a HOT topic meeting each month and
- foster you in identifying and achieving your goals in a positive and productive setting.

Fifth Third is the official sponsor of the Champions Series. Thanks Fifth Third!

The Champions Series Meeting will be held Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Fifth Third Bank, 5834 Forbes Avenue in Squirrel Hill
3:30 – 4:30 PM

Champions Hot Seat

Champions will present their business, product or service to the group in person or via telephone. Champions will request the type of help they are seeking to promote their business/product/service. The event will simulate a mastermind group to grow the Champion and his/her specific goals.

Guests must be pre-approved for this meeting due to the nature of the discussions. Call Lisa Spahr at 412.867.9991 with your guest’s details at least two weeks in advance.

The Champions Program offered by Lisa Spahr has made a distinct impact in my personal and especially my business life. I worked with a personal coach in the past and had a negative experience, so I was really hesitant to invest in coaching again. The champions program was a perfect way for me to test the waters, and I am grateful that I took that step. In just two months, I’ve seen a distinct difference in the way I conduct my business. Having a coach keeps my goals front and center, and reminds me that I am accountable. Being in the champions program allows me to have coaching that fits into my hectic time schedule as well as my budget. I also enjoy being a part of a distinct group of achievers!- Beth Caldwell, Executive Director, Pittsburgh Professional Women We Help Business Women Succeed! www.pittsburghprofessionalwomen.com/

Join the Champions Series today.
Membership Includes:
Ø Weekly Electronic Coaching Moments
Ø Monthly Champions Meeting (attend or get the MP3 file)
Ø Invitation to 1 Guest Per Month to Champions Meeting for $10
Ø 15-Minute Personal Coaching Each Month (via telephone)
Ø Exclusive Options to Upgrade Coaching in the Future

If you do not have a Membership Application please visit http://www.spahrconsulting.com/ to download one.

We appreciate the opportunity to work with you and on your business. You can reach us at:
Spahr Consulting, 7731 Abbott Street, Pittsburgh, PA 15221
Telephone: (412) 867-9991, email: Lspahr@spahrconsulting.com



Owner, Spahr Consulting

What people are saying about Lisa Spahr and her coaching programs…..
…In the 6 months that I have been working with Ms. Spahr she has become one of my most valuable professional resources…. She has well exceeded my expectations of a consultant. She provides advice, suggestions, provides options….and allows me to make well thought out decisions. She listens and understands. Only after a few weeks of working with Lisa, I was “blown away” by her interest in my business and the results that she was providing…..

…I worked with a business coach before and the results were not favorable for my business or my view of the coaching process. However, working with Lisa was very different. She has helped me feel more confident in my business and in my decision-making. She brought me out of my comfort zone, which is really hard, to highlight areas of growth, development and potential. I’m grateful for the opportunity to have met her and worked with her.

… I worked with Lisa in April and May and in that short of time, with her help and encouragement, I went from 52% to 90% YTD. It was Lisa Spahr who helped me achieve my goals, but most importantly helped me achieve balance with my family and my work, and I thank her for that.

… I attended your session and we spoke about motivation and staying on target. I've been reading your blog ever since, and wanted to touch base with you to tell you what an impact you've had on me. Thank you for being such an inspiration.

Vacation in Your Own Home

What is it about being on holiday or vacations that makes us so happy?

Some people live for the weekend, others live for the few times each year they vacation. Still there are others who vacation every 10 years. I wonder if they simply don’t like vacations that much or really enjoy their day-to-day lives that much! Either way, good for them- if it works.

I was thinking about why I love to travel so much or go on vacation. And, it hit me that it’s a temporary burst of living in a way that I really enjoy (but would ultimately grow bored of if it were for a prolonged period- we really are built to work and without work we lose ourselves… but that’s for another blog).

Some of the things we love about vacations:

• The flexible schedule


• The ability to catch up on sleep


• The newness and difference of the landscape


• Being with other vacationers or those who enjoy what we do


• Having others do things for us (cooking, cleaning, no laundry, etc…)


• Forgetting about our day-to-day tasks and responsibilities


• The ability to focus on one another more


• Having the time to play
  

So, what if I told you that you could have these elements in your daily life? Would you call me crazy? Yes, I imagine many of your would. But, if sit back to consider it for a few minutes you’ll see that I’m right.

• You do control your schedule (although you like to blame it on others or fail to blame your own obsessiveness)


• You can arrange a sleep schedule that is conducive to being healthy and happy


• You can explore new people, places and things within 25 miles of your home (in most places)


• You can surround yourself with others who have the same interests


• You can hire (or barter with) others to help you with daily chores


• You can change your day-to-day tasks and responsibilities to be those you WANT to remember and do


• You can focus on anyone you choose throughout the day


• You can play- and yes there is time for it- if you make it a priority
  
  

So, learn to vacation more at home. It will make the time in-between your trips more enjoyable.

Happy vacationing.

A Dose of Reality is Always Good

As my longtime readers know, I read the New York Times daily (thanks Matt P for drilling the importance of this into my head in 1998). For me, it shares the habitual stage with the likes of Inc, Fast Company, and Real Simple. These reads each satisfy different parts of me and they keep me sharp …and regular.

Last week the NY Times had several articles that became dinner-table talk in my house. One was titled The Women’s Crusade. It was a lengthy, high quality article about how women and girls can and will save the world- if we let them. It details the plights of women all over the globe.

Some of the stories were heart wrenching. Others offered a sense of optimism unparalleled in any story I’ve heard of late.

If you are a woman, a girl or know one… read the article before it falls off the online pages. It was a real dose of reality that may enlighten you in ways you could only imagine. Click on the title bar of this blog and it should take you there. Otherwise, search on the New York Times homepage.

As a coach, I encourage you to have a daily, weekly and monthly reading list. And, make time for it. You need to feed your brain with activities outside your office and your home, often. Read to learn. Learn to grow. Grow to be your best each day.

What’s Your Love Language?

Do you know which of the five love languages is yours? How about your partners?

It’s a good idea to explore Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, to better understand what love looks and feels like to you. Its an easy way to identify, specifically, how you need to be loved to feel “full”.

My husband and I took a course on the Five Love Languages before we got married. We weren’t in any crisis. We just love to learn. And, we are committed to learning about and with one another.

I learned that he and I share a love language, quality time. We both see it as imperitive to spend a lot of quality time together. I also learned that I am a bi-lingual. The Love Language, affection, was also at the top of my list. Being touched and having affection shown to me is as equally important as spending quality time. Gifts were, on the other hand, not even on my priority radar. (Not that I don’t enjoy them!) J They simply don’t equate to LOVE for me. They don’t FILL me with a sense of being loved. They may you- and that’s why you’d want to learn about the Five Love Languages.

My husband and I fostered our understanding of one another through this course. We realized what was super important and what was less important to always keeping one another filled with a sense of being loved. The book can help you in any stage of your relationship (new, challenged, near divorce, post-divorce, etc…)

Who doesn’t LOVE that?

Note: The book is in the biblical genre. You don’t need to be religious to read or understand it. I encourage you to enjoy it for the journey it will take you on.

What’s Wasting Your Time?

Imagine I told you that you could go on your “dream vacation” but you had to leave in 1 hour. Aside from wanting your bags packed appropriately, what would you spend your hour doing?

You wouldn’t believe the things you can get done in a crunch. And, each one has to be weighed by how high a priority it is. The lower ones, they fall of the face of the earth in that next hour. (Fantastic!)

When you are about to do a task I encourage you to ask yourself the following questions:

• Do I really need to do this? If yes, what purpose does it serve?
• Does it need to be done today or can it go on the schedule next week?
• How does doing this task make me look GREAT? (Hint, if it doesn’t you may not need to do it)
• Can someone else do it? Better? Cheaper?
• What have I done in the last hour for myself?
• What have I done in the last hour towards achieving my goals?

You’d be amazed at how many things can drop off your “to do” list and never have an impact! Let them go! Feel relieved and rewarded with some extra time on your hands to do important or worth-while things.

Bonus challenge: Make a list of worth-while activities and why they are worth-while. When confronting a task, check to see if it’s on your list. Ask yourself the questions above and drop it if you can. Then, do a worth-while activity to celebrate your “harnessing your time!”

Find and Support Your Passion/s

I recently posted a video on YouTube and my Facebook account on Passion. I was prompted to post the video based on two articles in the New York Times. I highly encourage you to watch the video and then identify and support your own passions.

You can see the video by going to my Facebook account or click on the title bar of this blog and it will take you to YouTube (if anything fails, you can also search “lisa spahr” on YouTube).

Thanks.

Women can be the Worst Offenders!

Women support one another. Recognize the benefit of uplifting one another. Give to gain. It works.

I remember the first time I encountered professional jealousy and attack from a woman in the workplace. I’ll never forget it.

I had the wonderful fortune for working for a “class act” supervisor, Matt, in a majority male environment. That wasn’t odd for me; in fact, it was common for the roles and fields I chose. He was exemplary. He fostered both my personal and professional growth. He gave me opportunity and responsibility. He trusted my judgment while cultivating my skill-set. He was a Marine. And, I was a 24 year old out of college for just a year. He sent me around the country representing our service organization to veterans, active-duty personnel, families and the defense department at large. I met by day with epidemiologists and conducted town-hall meetings in the evenings.

One day I heard some commotion in the hallway. It was one of our senior “secretaries” yelling at Matt. (We still used the language “secretary” back then.) She was a very seasoned woman who had been at the firm for 20+ years. She worked her way up to being the secretary for a director. Matt was an assistant director. This was his boss’ secretary. I heard her telling him that I should be answering his phones and writing his letters, doing his copying, etc…. He kept saying, “No, she doesn’t do that. She’s not my admin. She’s not my secretary. She’s one of my staff.” Their voices escalated. He walked off in a huff as did she. The conversation never came up again. I went about my duties as normal- likely flying out to a new destination that afternoon.

It was this experience that taught me that women can be our worst offenders and holding us to a particular place- even if it isn’t where we belong.

Honestly, it transcends male or female-ness. I titled the blog that due to my personal experiences and observances. But, it is sex-less. Men and women hold each other down for no good reason other than it makes them feel better. It helps them stay stagnate to demand that you do too. These offenders don’t want you to reach ranks that they can’t or don’t aspire too.

Are you one of them? If so, change your ways. Focus on YOU. You’ll gain a lot from doing so. You’ll be happier and healthier. Not to mention a far better colleague. Learn to support rather than present obstacles.

Do you know one of them? Stay clear of them. Focus on YOU. Work closely with your supervisor and your support team to identify your next steps. Ignore their attacks. If need be, address the interruptions with their supervisor (after making it clear to them that you find their actions/behaviors distracting and unsupportive).

Go Women Go! Don’t make excuses and don’t be someone else’s excuse! Climb that ladder. And, don’t kick another woman’s rungs out from under her.

The Ethics Train… It’s Gone

Years ago, I published a paper on white-collar crime, specifically savings and loan fraud. I discussed the culture that fosters such behavior- makes it seem natural, normal and only a “little lie”. After all, many people feel they are owed more than they make, or they swear they had intentions on paying it back… the excuses go on and on.

How firm do you stand on ethics? Do you believe there are levels to lying... white ones and big ones and such? Would you want your politicians lying... wait, let me rephrase that… is it acceptable that a politician lies? What about a police officer? Your banker?

What do you lie about?

Here’s another question: Is it okay for employees to take materials from the office if they need them at home. Well, perhaps, if they have a home office where they conduct the same business as you expect them to do in the main office. If not, well then they could be seen as abusing office resources for personal use. Does it make a difference if I’m talking about a box of pens or a laptop? Now, does it make a difference it I tell you that this is a government employee? How about if they use the laptop to look at inappropriate material? Has the situation escalated enough for you yet?

These things happen every day. Many environments cultivate unethical practices better than they do their own businesses. Is yours one?

Inventory your ethics and that of your employees today. Get a reign on ethics… or it will bite you one day. And, some of the bites are harder than you might first surmise.

I Love to Fire!

I’m not talking about pottery. I’m talking about people. Yes, it’s not the most appreciated aspect of who I am, by others' accounts, but it is something I do well. I fire people.

I’ve had to fire friends. I’ve had to fire people around the holidays. Are you ready for this? I’ve never felt guilty about it. Why? Because I’ve done it right.

And now my friends, is the time to fire those who are not helping your business succeed. Well, in fact it was yesterday or last year but today is as good of a time as any day in the future.

You may wonder why or how I find it so easy to speak so lightly about a sensitive and life-altering situation. Easy. I’ve been the employee who resented having to work along side others who didn’t pull their weight, were “wastes of paychecks” and who brought the whole work force down. The bosses failed to do the right thing due to legality and we were ALL stuck in a toxic environment. Everyone suffers with a bad egg in the group. Especially the company. Oh, and did I mention profits... and reputation suffer too?

I was just talking to my husband about situations we’ve both experienced when people should have been “let go” but weren’t. One of my examples had to do with a colleague who impersonated a high level executive at our firm – as he traveled around the country, as we all did- and impregnated a woman in another city. He failed to call her back, after her multiple attempts to reach him, and so she called our top-brass. They quickly identified the culprit… and demoted him. Great lesson for us all, right? This man never worked anyhow, he manipulated others to do his work for him. When interviewed about my colleagues actions, it was like a “tell-all” story. My response was that he insulted each one of us every pay day by the mere fact that he had a job. And, they kept him!?!

When I became a decision-maker I vowed to never allow a toxic environment to exist. I have zero qualms of firing those who say, “It’s not my job” and those who do sub-par work. There's too much talent out there. There are too many hard working people to let the others have their jobs.

Do you realize how many top-notch potential employees are out there? Why on earth would you settle for a mediocre one in this day and age? It’s not the economic climate to settle for fifth-best. Go for the best. You can likely hire them at a bargain and let them earn great benefits in the next year or so as the economy straightens up.

If your people aren’t giving you your best you have to ask yourself why? Then you have to have a meeting with each one to come to an understanding. Develop measurable expectations with related rewards and consequences. Make sure they are agreeable. Then, get to work. In the time frame identified, let your employee show you what s/he is worth or let them make it easy to say, “We’ve had enough. We’re going to let you go.”

Clearly, work with your HR and Legal teams on this- but trust me, it CAN and SHOULD be done. You do each of your employees an injustice by letting a bad apple spoil the bunch… and the reputation and profit of your company. Shame on you if you choose to do so.

Is a Eulogy a Burden or an Honor?

I was privy to a conversation this week that opened my eyes on the topic of eulogies.

I was with a group of seniors and we were discussing writing- what kinds of things we write and why, for what purpose. One lovely man commented that he has written his eulogy. He said he did that because he felt the eulogy was a burden he didn’t want to impress upon anyone in his family.

Interesting. Personally, I always felt the eulogy was an honor to give. It was bidding a physical farewell to someone that meant something to you. And, you got the opportunity to share your love of them freely and openly in their send off.

I now realize that people can have very different views of this.

One woman commented that she too feels it is a burden to the family members to deliver a eulogy. She said it should be left to clergy… and that’s that.

A few people did chime in that they felt the eulogy could be cathartic to the person giving it. It could represent the sharing of things we never knew about the person or about the relationships they had.

One gal said that she was at a funeral when the son stood up and gave a eulogy which berated his father for so many wrongs in his life. She said no one knew the hell that the son was living in- and she was delighted he could finally get it off his chest and rest – in his own way. (As a psychologist, I’d love to have been at this one.)

Think about your eulogy- and your wishes for who should give it. Perhaps put it in your living will and make your wishes known to those you love.

I can tell you that mine will mirror my wedding. I will likely invite several people to say a few things, if they are comfortable, and then open it up for others to share. But then again, I’ve never resisted a microphone yet, so perhaps I’m a little skewed.

Six Ways to Romance

I had house guests this weekend. One of the younger ones mentioned that she liked my magnetic word board on the refrigerator. I began to tell her why we have it there- it’s a sign to remind us of our responsibility to love one another outwardly. Here’s how it works, along with Five Other Tips for keeping (or rekindling) the romance in your life.

1. Tell them what they mean to you. The magnetic word board is just a few dozen words, separate magnets, which float on the fridge. We, my husband and I, take turns writing a love note to one another. It can be three words or 20. It can be concrete or abstract. But, it must be heart-felt. He may write” you are my soul’s dream”. I read it and when I am ready to write him one, usually within a few days, I will return the love with a message of my own. Mine may be, “I adore our passion and kisses”. Simple. Yet, wildly necessary in this busy day-to-day life we all lead. Tell people how you feel about them- often.


2. Schedule a night away. Pick a place that you know s/he has always wanted to go. Or, choose to revisit a place that was meaningful to you as a couple. Book it today- even if it’s not for a few months. Make sure s/he knows that you want to do things to make them happy.


3. Schedule the harder talks. Don’t make every day and every conversation about a sore topic or a tough discussion. Make sure the joy outweighs the pain. Plan it and keep it limited. Show your partner that you love them, respect your life with them and want the rough spots to be as controlled as possible. No one wants to be married to a nag. And, I think it’s easy to be a nag if you don’t keep it in perspective. Is this issue really a deal breaker for you? If not, keep it real- and manageable.


4. Kiss and play passionately. You aren’t siblings. You are lovers. Play the part.


5. Have a His or Hers Day. Make one day a week about them. Only about them. Let them know that they choose what the activity is or what the menu is. They’ll do the same for you when they see how it feels.


6. Reflect. Imagine what life would be like without them. Try to imagine who would fill their shoes if they weren’t there. Realize the gift they are to you. Be thankful to have someone to share your life with. No one is perfect. You certainly aren’t. Celebrate each other as the wonderful individuals you are.

Happy loving.

6 Tips to A Better Job

I am so fortunate to work with such innovative clients. Yes, some of my clients are looking for work. Others are looking for opportunity… Opportunity to leave their current positions in pursuit of jobs or lifestyles that will be more fulfilling.

Now I know what you are thinking, “Lisa, why on earth would they choose to do that in this climate?” Well, because they can. You can too. Believe it or not the sky isn’t falling. Jobs are out there. Opportunities exist.

Most people will opt to complain about the market and allow the excuse to limit their potential. I don’t have those folks as clients, nor would I want them.

In the last two months I’ve had two clients choose to leave full-time, lucrative careers. One left to pursue her dream job, still in sales, but a far more risky and niche market. The other opted to pursue part-time work and focus on her family life. She did that with almost a year of thought and preparation.

Here is how you can find a better job… or dare I say “opportunity”

• Take a hard look at how you are living. What are your income needs? What expenditures do you have that you must continue to carry? Are you fulfilled in your current role/s?
  
• Identify your dreams. What would you like to do or not do with your time?
  
• Create a plan and a timeline for change. Map your dreams onto a timeline and begin your preparation today.
  
• Tell everyone you know (except perhaps your boss) about your dreams. Don’t be shy. They may know of an opportunity that exists that puts you on your path.
  
• Liquidate your “unnecessary stuff” and reduce all spending immediately to adequately prepare for the transition.
  
• Meet with people (over the internet perhaps) who’ve done it (in the specific or broad sense of what you plan to achieve) and learn from them.
  
  Here’s to a great life!

Sometimes Life Calls for a Little Tough Love

I remember hearing about a psychologist in Philadelphia, many years ago, who worked very differently than most. He yelled at his clients. His success rate was, apparently, through the roof. (Maybe because they were jumping that high to get away from him!)

I recall my own tough-love teenage years, as my mother tried everything in her arsenal to get me to cooperate and stay alive day to day (or just make it to graduation). The tough-love approach, as much as I hated it, worked well. She denied me things as a result of my behavior- that really hurt (and proved wildly effective). Do you see the pattern here?

Tough love isn’t about yelling at people but it is about being direct, deliberate, and, at times, unflattering. There are consequences. There is action (or in-action, depending upon the desired effect).

A drill sergeant delivers tough love but s/he also embodies strength, responsibility, authority, and leadership.

You may be in need of some tough love. Or someone you know is. Here’s how I recommend you begin the approach:

• Stop being the crutch they need to carry on. Don’t be an enabler.
• Have a 15-minute conversation with them explaining the new road you are taking (and why). No discussion. This is informational only.
• Lay out the rules.
• Lay out the consequences.
• Be diligent in applying them (and ensure you have the authority to).
• Take 15-minutes to yourself each day to redefine why you are doing this, the intended outcome/s, and the approach specifics.
• Involve other people as necessary (if its trouble with your kid at school, involve school partners, truancy officers, etc….).
  
  Examples where I believe a tough love approach is necessary:
• When someone’s health is at risk.
• When someone’s marriage is at risk.
• When someone’s career is at risk.
• When behavior disruptions are detrimenting the family and/or office.
• Substance abuse.
• A failure to take responsibility for one’s own actions/inactions.
• A disciplinary problem person.
  

Disclaimer: tough love should not be used to abuse another person. It does not include verbally insulting, assaulting or otherwise "do harm" to others. It is one of the available approaches to curb undesired behaviors (in ones self as well as others). I consider it more of a reality check grounded in organization, clarity and compassion with a desire to help another lead a productive life.

Brain Games

Do you know that losing your memory and other cognitive decline does NOT have to be a part of your natural aging? It’s true.

You can do things now, each day or each week, to preserve your mental functioning. Ever more so, you can improve it- at any age. New brain cells will form.

I suggest visiting two websites for your brain health (the same way you focus on your physical exercise- you should focus on your mental exercises):

Lumosity.com

Sharpbrains.com

At Lumosity you can sign up for a free trial and learn about your own current cognitive functioning. You can also work on it during the trial and see your numbers improve.

At Sharpbrains.com you can find dozens of brain games to play for free. Some are more interesting than others. Pick and choose.

Here’s to more graceful aging – at any age.

Wedding Weight.....

I promised to “weigh in” on my own challenge with the pounds and fitness as a whole. The last 6 months have been wild and wonderful- just like West Virginia, the state I got married in. I ran in a marathon. I assembled a world-class team of nutrition experts and exercise physiologists. I logged my food and tracked my exercise. I learned about my body and what it can and “has a harder time” doing via metabolic testing.

I lost pounds and inches. The wedding came and I looked and felt great!

Now, the honeymoon is in the distant past (more than 6 weeks in the past) and you ask, “How are you doing?” Great! I’m doing great!

I don’t have the numbers to tell you about- because I don’t own a scale. But my clothes continue to feel loose and comfortable on me.

The Pros: I still eat really well. I am 90% vegetarian. (Full disclosure here folks, where else can you get that today?) I graze. I eat every 2-3 hours. My meals are smaller, very healthful (for the most part) and fill me up. I love my new style of eating. We visit the farmers markets twice a week for fresh ingredients to cook with. We now eat at home 95% of the week. We used to eat out 75% of the time!

The Cons: I picked up a new client which has really challenged my schedule. Given I shut down at 5 PM to have my “honey time” with my new husband- my gym time has been cut out. I was going to the gym 4-5 times a week for at least 45 minutes and now I don’t go.

The beauty of this dilemma is that it mirrors that of what I hear from others who are challenging their unfit ways.

Here is my advice for how to manage without the gym:

Ø Are you taking 1 hour a day for yourself? (Reading, exercising, meditating, painting, …) Make sure you do. You will not be helpful to anyone if you aren’t good to yourself first.
Ø Walk more. I have now added two hours of walking into my weekly schedule. I walk to and from errands, clients, etc… Plus, I still walk the dogs (perhaps a little more diligently now).
Ø Log your food. Each bite. Make sure you know how much you are eating (fat grams, cholesterol, calories, servings, etc…)
Ø Eat better. Choose fresh ingredients you feel good about.
Ø Cook more. Don’t allow anyone to put your pounds on for you. Choose your guilty pleasures carefully- yourself. Limit salt. Limit quantities. You see where I’m going.
Ø Educate those you love. Make this a lifestyle everyone wants to be a part of. Celebrate every pound lost and every inch that’s disappeared! Enjoy tasting your food for once, not just swallowing it!
Ø Work on your home. Gardening and home chores are good exercise. Learn to love going up and down the steps- carrying things!
Ø Keep a journal. Note how you feel, what you are doing and why you are doing it.
Ø Commit to yourself! Look at photos of you then and now. Describe how you feel/felt. Imagine how you want to describe yourself and how you feel. Do it now. Tomorrow is never guaranteed.

I hope this helps you. I’m not proud of not getting to the gym. But, I’m not allowing that to be an excuse to override my hard work either. I’m not going to be over 200 pounds ever again. I’ve committed that to me!

She’s Gone and Lost Her Mind! The MAD Offer!

We’re Celebrating 2 years in Pittsburgh, as a full-time coach! (I always use “we” because I never get anywhere alone- there is always a team behind all that I do.)

Last year we sent whacky fliers with a photo of me when I was a few years old! The flier served as a thank you to our clients, friends and supporters. If memory serves, there was a little goodie in each bag also.

In celebrating this year, we’re making a most outrageous offer! I hope you are sitting down!

Pay what you think the session is worth! You read it right. Pay what you think the session is worth! Some restaurants are doing it, why not us too? Heck, we’ll try anything in the name of fun for ourselves and our clients!!!

The caveat: You must be a current or former Champion Member or coaching client to take advantage of this offer. And, you must call/email me before 4 PM on July 24, 2009 to make your appointments. You can have 1 or 2 1-hr sessions with this offer. All must take place in July or August. There are no reschedules allowed.

The loophole: (to keep it fair and FUN) You can become a “current Champion Member” by signing up for the Champions Series ($39 a month) at our website (www.spahrconsulting.com) by July 24, 2009, 4 PM. (See, we wouldn’t let you miss this chance!)

Everybody is talking about this offer! How on earth can she do it? Well, we’ve modeled it to be manageable, creative and above all else- a THANK YOU to our clients, friends and supporters for an amazing 2 YEARS! So, we’ll worry about the unaddressed details over the next month! YOU deserve this.