The Freedom of Asking

Some may wonder how a 21 year old, who has never flown in an airplane, gathers the courage to fly to Rome and live for a summer- without knowing a soul. Or, how she chooses to attend a graduate program overseas- again without knowing a soul. The truth of the matter is that this young woman has lived her life with a belief in two things: (1) people are mostly good and (2) they will help you when you need it. That woman is me and I still believe in these two notions.

My freedom to travel the world came when I learned how to ask for help, and it was received. Try it sometime. Ask a stranger for directions. Ask someone to help you carry something heavy. Ask someone for advice. MOST people will gladly help you. We like to help- it makes us feel good about ourselves. Give us that opportunity.

I took advantage of this notion this week when I sent out a SOS message to a few gal pals who have little babes of their own at home. I needed some advice on sleeping for my 6-week old. Within minutes, my phone was lighting up and my email was buzzing. The messages of hope and encouragement are still coming in. You gotta love that.

Some people have a hard time asking others for various reasons. But I dare you to shed yourself of that inhibition and ask- ask for what you need. You'll likely find a smiling person on the other end, happy to help you. And, if you don't, don't give up. Ask someone else. You've just unfortunately had a run in with the less than 20% curmudgeon population we share the earth with. Believe it or not, they need help too - but they will likely never ask for it. Don't be one of them.

Pay Yourself or Give Your Money Away Based on Your Goal Success

In between diaper changes, diaper laundry and cleaning bottles, I try to enrich my mind. Forbes Magazine never really appealed to me before now. Month after month it arrives at my home only to find its way to the library "share" bin. But times have changed. I now find that it gives me some of the brain fuel I need to keep one foot in the game while I get used to motherhood. This latest edition had a few very interesting articles.

Make a Commitment by Ayres and Nalebuff really spoke to me as a coach and as a person who has many goals in this lifetime. The gist of the article is a discussion of StickK.com which helps you achieve your goals by sharing them (and your success of failure) with friends online. When push comes to shove it allows you to put some money up for the goal. Your money for a failed goal can go to a charity, or an anti-charity as the article argues so that you REALLY HATE losing it knowing that it goes to your mortal enemy.

Putting money up for a goal is a great idea if you ask me. I remember the first time I bungee jumped. I was terrified at the last second to "drop" from the 300-ft crane. I let go and quickly grabbed the bar again before plummeting out backwards from the cage I was standing in. The man operating the crane, in the cage with me, told me I wasn't going to get a refund. I dropped. And, then went back the next night to do it all over again!

I also recall, many years ago, when I quit smoking. I saved my "cigarette money" and did something wonderful for myself each time it added up substantially (which doesn't take long). A massage, facial, pedicure... you name it. I turned around the money I was paying for cancer, bad breath, and smelly clothing and opted to do something more fruitful with it.

Money speaks volumes to us. It has a language like no other. We listen to it. We abide by it. So, go ahead, put a dollar amount on your next goal. Someone is going to win. Why shouldn't it be you.

She Brought Me to My Knees

I'll confess, I think I'm a toughie. I spent years interviewing psychopaths in prisons (a real life Clairise Starling), working along side police combing photographs that most wouldn't want to see, and am really good at being planful and methodical in my life (resisting temptations and impulsive moves that most would jump at). But this, this has brought me to my knees.

I'm talking about the last month of my life. The birth experience of my daughter that was the furtherest from what I had planned and prepped for, all of those months. She and mother nature showed me that I wasn't in charge and couldn't have it my way. Then, there was the challenge of breastfeeding. Again, mother nature stepped in and told me that it didn't matter how many books I read or how many lactation consultants I went to- it wasn't going to be the way I wanted or planned. Tears, anger, resentment and confusion wouldn't change that either. "Deal with it," I could hear her say. I won't repeat here what I said in return.

Last but not least, the most glorious element of all that has brought me to my knees is love. I've been fortunate in my life to know great love. I've loved many times - great friends and love interests. I am wildly in love with my husband. But, this, this is different. Looking at her, touching her sweet little body.... no, I've never known love like this. This is beyond any I could fathom. It's sheer joy. It's magical. It's euphoria.

I've been brought to my knees several times over the last 4 weeks. I'm thankful (even if not every moment of every day) for the experience. It's humbling. Even for a toughie.

The Sound of Friendship

Forgive my failure to post in recent weeks. We welcomed our daughter, Bahia Lorraine, on July 18th. Her birth story wasn't quite what we had planned but was joyous nonetheless. It has been a roller coaster ride with many highs and lows- oh, and many sleepless nights too but that goes with the territory of a newborn I suppose.

This blog posting pays homage to the many friends that came to our aid during these weeks. The gave me many examples of pure friendship and love .. and I thought I'd share them with you.

In a nutshell, our labor was a 56 hour event. I labored naturally, without pain medication (as I wanted) for 55 and a half hours. When ready to push, our midwives determined our baby was breech and I had to go in for an emergency c-section. But alas, our beautiful baby girl was born at 5:07 AM on 7/18. We were overjoyed.

Sadly, on day 4 of her life we reentered the hospital, the Children's Hospital Intensive Care Unit. Bahia was severely dehydrated and her jaundice had gotten out of control due to that. Her bilirubin level was 25 - which is critical. The doctors were preparing us for lumbar punctures, she endured two of them, total body blood transfusions, and many needle sticks (her veins continued to collapse as they tried to find one for an IV). The greatest worry was the jaundice getting to the brain and damaging it. Time was of the essence. We spent 5 days in the NICU.

During that time we received many blessings (AKA the sounds of friendship). Here are just a few of them:

• Two of our girlfriends emailed, "We are just a 4-hour drive away. We love dogs, as you know, and can even clean in a pinch. Can we come up and help you?" Yes, you can. Thank you. They came and walked the dogs, cared for the house, stocked the fridge, cooked meals, everything. They were angels.
• Another friend asked, "Do you need breast milk for Bahia?" Yes, I do. Thank you. Anyone who has breastfed a baby or found themselves incapable of doing so will know what a gift this is. (And, I'm not interested in anyone emailing me telling me of the infection risks of sharing breast milk. I know them all. And, I trust this person with my life. I'm honored to receive her gift for my baby.)
• Our church, Allison Park Church, put a photo of Bahia in the ICU on the large screens during service and prayed for her. During those morning hours, Bahia was taken off all of her bili lights, antibiotics, and extra fluids. She was stable and remained in the hospital for only one more day.
• My mother and her husband cared for our home and dogs while we were in the early days of the NICU. They managed to do that while dealing with their own grief over our situation. This is my mother's only grandchild and this should have been the most joyful of her days but instead it was filled with worry and house chores. We're very thankful they were here. 
• Finally, another friend asked, "Can I come over and walk the dogs and bring you lunch?" Yes and yes. Thank you. She not only did that (managing two wild dogs; one a bully breed and another very fearful) but she paid for a house cleaner to come, when I was ready, to manage some of the things I simply couldn't.  What a godsend.

These are just a few examples of the blessings we've experienced over the last few weeks. They made me reflect on how I have responded to others experiencing crisis- and my behaviors of friendship overall. They've made me realize that I can't recall when I've done something as wonderful as above for someone else. And for that I am ashamed. I will work harder to be better and do more for others- as they have done for me. Thanks for that gift also. We all need a reality check at times. The last few weeks have given me my share of those, in many respects.

Go forward in great friendship and do great things for others. They'll appreciate it.