Is a Eulogy a Burden or an Honor?

I was privy to a conversation this week that opened my eyes on the topic of eulogies.

I was with a group of seniors and we were discussing writing- what kinds of things we write and why, for what purpose. One lovely man commented that he has written his eulogy. He said he did that because he felt the eulogy was a burden he didn’t want to impress upon anyone in his family.

Interesting. Personally, I always felt the eulogy was an honor to give. It was bidding a physical farewell to someone that meant something to you. And, you got the opportunity to share your love of them freely and openly in their send off.

I now realize that people can have very different views of this.

One woman commented that she too feels it is a burden to the family members to deliver a eulogy. She said it should be left to clergy… and that’s that.

A few people did chime in that they felt the eulogy could be cathartic to the person giving it. It could represent the sharing of things we never knew about the person or about the relationships they had.

One gal said that she was at a funeral when the son stood up and gave a eulogy which berated his father for so many wrongs in his life. She said no one knew the hell that the son was living in- and she was delighted he could finally get it off his chest and rest – in his own way. (As a psychologist, I’d love to have been at this one.)

Think about your eulogy- and your wishes for who should give it. Perhaps put it in your living will and make your wishes known to those you love.

I can tell you that mine will mirror my wedding. I will likely invite several people to say a few things, if they are comfortable, and then open it up for others to share. But then again, I’ve never resisted a microphone yet, so perhaps I’m a little skewed.