Women can be the Worst Offenders!

Women support one another. Recognize the benefit of uplifting one another. Give to gain. It works.

I remember the first time I encountered professional jealousy and attack from a woman in the workplace. I’ll never forget it.

I had the wonderful fortune for working for a “class act” supervisor, Matt, in a majority male environment. That wasn’t odd for me; in fact, it was common for the roles and fields I chose. He was exemplary. He fostered both my personal and professional growth. He gave me opportunity and responsibility. He trusted my judgment while cultivating my skill-set. He was a Marine. And, I was a 24 year old out of college for just a year. He sent me around the country representing our service organization to veterans, active-duty personnel, families and the defense department at large. I met by day with epidemiologists and conducted town-hall meetings in the evenings.

One day I heard some commotion in the hallway. It was one of our senior “secretaries” yelling at Matt. (We still used the language “secretary” back then.) She was a very seasoned woman who had been at the firm for 20+ years. She worked her way up to being the secretary for a director. Matt was an assistant director. This was his boss’ secretary. I heard her telling him that I should be answering his phones and writing his letters, doing his copying, etc…. He kept saying, “No, she doesn’t do that. She’s not my admin. She’s not my secretary. She’s one of my staff.” Their voices escalated. He walked off in a huff as did she. The conversation never came up again. I went about my duties as normal- likely flying out to a new destination that afternoon.

It was this experience that taught me that women can be our worst offenders and holding us to a particular place- even if it isn’t where we belong.

Honestly, it transcends male or female-ness. I titled the blog that due to my personal experiences and observances. But, it is sex-less. Men and women hold each other down for no good reason other than it makes them feel better. It helps them stay stagnate to demand that you do too. These offenders don’t want you to reach ranks that they can’t or don’t aspire too.

Are you one of them? If so, change your ways. Focus on YOU. You’ll gain a lot from doing so. You’ll be happier and healthier. Not to mention a far better colleague. Learn to support rather than present obstacles.

Do you know one of them? Stay clear of them. Focus on YOU. Work closely with your supervisor and your support team to identify your next steps. Ignore their attacks. If need be, address the interruptions with their supervisor (after making it clear to them that you find their actions/behaviors distracting and unsupportive).

Go Women Go! Don’t make excuses and don’t be someone else’s excuse! Climb that ladder. And, don’t kick another woman’s rungs out from under her.

The Ethics Train… It’s Gone

Years ago, I published a paper on white-collar crime, specifically savings and loan fraud. I discussed the culture that fosters such behavior- makes it seem natural, normal and only a “little lie”. After all, many people feel they are owed more than they make, or they swear they had intentions on paying it back… the excuses go on and on.

How firm do you stand on ethics? Do you believe there are levels to lying... white ones and big ones and such? Would you want your politicians lying... wait, let me rephrase that… is it acceptable that a politician lies? What about a police officer? Your banker?

What do you lie about?

Here’s another question: Is it okay for employees to take materials from the office if they need them at home. Well, perhaps, if they have a home office where they conduct the same business as you expect them to do in the main office. If not, well then they could be seen as abusing office resources for personal use. Does it make a difference if I’m talking about a box of pens or a laptop? Now, does it make a difference it I tell you that this is a government employee? How about if they use the laptop to look at inappropriate material? Has the situation escalated enough for you yet?

These things happen every day. Many environments cultivate unethical practices better than they do their own businesses. Is yours one?

Inventory your ethics and that of your employees today. Get a reign on ethics… or it will bite you one day. And, some of the bites are harder than you might first surmise.

I Love to Fire!

I’m not talking about pottery. I’m talking about people. Yes, it’s not the most appreciated aspect of who I am, by others' accounts, but it is something I do well. I fire people.

I’ve had to fire friends. I’ve had to fire people around the holidays. Are you ready for this? I’ve never felt guilty about it. Why? Because I’ve done it right.

And now my friends, is the time to fire those who are not helping your business succeed. Well, in fact it was yesterday or last year but today is as good of a time as any day in the future.

You may wonder why or how I find it so easy to speak so lightly about a sensitive and life-altering situation. Easy. I’ve been the employee who resented having to work along side others who didn’t pull their weight, were “wastes of paychecks” and who brought the whole work force down. The bosses failed to do the right thing due to legality and we were ALL stuck in a toxic environment. Everyone suffers with a bad egg in the group. Especially the company. Oh, and did I mention profits... and reputation suffer too?

I was just talking to my husband about situations we’ve both experienced when people should have been “let go” but weren’t. One of my examples had to do with a colleague who impersonated a high level executive at our firm – as he traveled around the country, as we all did- and impregnated a woman in another city. He failed to call her back, after her multiple attempts to reach him, and so she called our top-brass. They quickly identified the culprit… and demoted him. Great lesson for us all, right? This man never worked anyhow, he manipulated others to do his work for him. When interviewed about my colleagues actions, it was like a “tell-all” story. My response was that he insulted each one of us every pay day by the mere fact that he had a job. And, they kept him!?!

When I became a decision-maker I vowed to never allow a toxic environment to exist. I have zero qualms of firing those who say, “It’s not my job” and those who do sub-par work. There's too much talent out there. There are too many hard working people to let the others have their jobs.

Do you realize how many top-notch potential employees are out there? Why on earth would you settle for a mediocre one in this day and age? It’s not the economic climate to settle for fifth-best. Go for the best. You can likely hire them at a bargain and let them earn great benefits in the next year or so as the economy straightens up.

If your people aren’t giving you your best you have to ask yourself why? Then you have to have a meeting with each one to come to an understanding. Develop measurable expectations with related rewards and consequences. Make sure they are agreeable. Then, get to work. In the time frame identified, let your employee show you what s/he is worth or let them make it easy to say, “We’ve had enough. We’re going to let you go.”

Clearly, work with your HR and Legal teams on this- but trust me, it CAN and SHOULD be done. You do each of your employees an injustice by letting a bad apple spoil the bunch… and the reputation and profit of your company. Shame on you if you choose to do so.

Is a Eulogy a Burden or an Honor?

I was privy to a conversation this week that opened my eyes on the topic of eulogies.

I was with a group of seniors and we were discussing writing- what kinds of things we write and why, for what purpose. One lovely man commented that he has written his eulogy. He said he did that because he felt the eulogy was a burden he didn’t want to impress upon anyone in his family.

Interesting. Personally, I always felt the eulogy was an honor to give. It was bidding a physical farewell to someone that meant something to you. And, you got the opportunity to share your love of them freely and openly in their send off.

I now realize that people can have very different views of this.

One woman commented that she too feels it is a burden to the family members to deliver a eulogy. She said it should be left to clergy… and that’s that.

A few people did chime in that they felt the eulogy could be cathartic to the person giving it. It could represent the sharing of things we never knew about the person or about the relationships they had.

One gal said that she was at a funeral when the son stood up and gave a eulogy which berated his father for so many wrongs in his life. She said no one knew the hell that the son was living in- and she was delighted he could finally get it off his chest and rest – in his own way. (As a psychologist, I’d love to have been at this one.)

Think about your eulogy- and your wishes for who should give it. Perhaps put it in your living will and make your wishes known to those you love.

I can tell you that mine will mirror my wedding. I will likely invite several people to say a few things, if they are comfortable, and then open it up for others to share. But then again, I’ve never resisted a microphone yet, so perhaps I’m a little skewed.

Six Ways to Romance

I had house guests this weekend. One of the younger ones mentioned that she liked my magnetic word board on the refrigerator. I began to tell her why we have it there- it’s a sign to remind us of our responsibility to love one another outwardly. Here’s how it works, along with Five Other Tips for keeping (or rekindling) the romance in your life.

1. Tell them what they mean to you. The magnetic word board is just a few dozen words, separate magnets, which float on the fridge. We, my husband and I, take turns writing a love note to one another. It can be three words or 20. It can be concrete or abstract. But, it must be heart-felt. He may write” you are my soul’s dream”. I read it and when I am ready to write him one, usually within a few days, I will return the love with a message of my own. Mine may be, “I adore our passion and kisses”. Simple. Yet, wildly necessary in this busy day-to-day life we all lead. Tell people how you feel about them- often.


2. Schedule a night away. Pick a place that you know s/he has always wanted to go. Or, choose to revisit a place that was meaningful to you as a couple. Book it today- even if it’s not for a few months. Make sure s/he knows that you want to do things to make them happy.


3. Schedule the harder talks. Don’t make every day and every conversation about a sore topic or a tough discussion. Make sure the joy outweighs the pain. Plan it and keep it limited. Show your partner that you love them, respect your life with them and want the rough spots to be as controlled as possible. No one wants to be married to a nag. And, I think it’s easy to be a nag if you don’t keep it in perspective. Is this issue really a deal breaker for you? If not, keep it real- and manageable.


4. Kiss and play passionately. You aren’t siblings. You are lovers. Play the part.


5. Have a His or Hers Day. Make one day a week about them. Only about them. Let them know that they choose what the activity is or what the menu is. They’ll do the same for you when they see how it feels.


6. Reflect. Imagine what life would be like without them. Try to imagine who would fill their shoes if they weren’t there. Realize the gift they are to you. Be thankful to have someone to share your life with. No one is perfect. You certainly aren’t. Celebrate each other as the wonderful individuals you are.

Happy loving.

6 Tips to A Better Job

I am so fortunate to work with such innovative clients. Yes, some of my clients are looking for work. Others are looking for opportunity… Opportunity to leave their current positions in pursuit of jobs or lifestyles that will be more fulfilling.

Now I know what you are thinking, “Lisa, why on earth would they choose to do that in this climate?” Well, because they can. You can too. Believe it or not the sky isn’t falling. Jobs are out there. Opportunities exist.

Most people will opt to complain about the market and allow the excuse to limit their potential. I don’t have those folks as clients, nor would I want them.

In the last two months I’ve had two clients choose to leave full-time, lucrative careers. One left to pursue her dream job, still in sales, but a far more risky and niche market. The other opted to pursue part-time work and focus on her family life. She did that with almost a year of thought and preparation.

Here is how you can find a better job… or dare I say “opportunity”

• Take a hard look at how you are living. What are your income needs? What expenditures do you have that you must continue to carry? Are you fulfilled in your current role/s?
  
• Identify your dreams. What would you like to do or not do with your time?
  
• Create a plan and a timeline for change. Map your dreams onto a timeline and begin your preparation today.
  
• Tell everyone you know (except perhaps your boss) about your dreams. Don’t be shy. They may know of an opportunity that exists that puts you on your path.
  
• Liquidate your “unnecessary stuff” and reduce all spending immediately to adequately prepare for the transition.
  
• Meet with people (over the internet perhaps) who’ve done it (in the specific or broad sense of what you plan to achieve) and learn from them.
  
  Here’s to a great life!

Sometimes Life Calls for a Little Tough Love

I remember hearing about a psychologist in Philadelphia, many years ago, who worked very differently than most. He yelled at his clients. His success rate was, apparently, through the roof. (Maybe because they were jumping that high to get away from him!)

I recall my own tough-love teenage years, as my mother tried everything in her arsenal to get me to cooperate and stay alive day to day (or just make it to graduation). The tough-love approach, as much as I hated it, worked well. She denied me things as a result of my behavior- that really hurt (and proved wildly effective). Do you see the pattern here?

Tough love isn’t about yelling at people but it is about being direct, deliberate, and, at times, unflattering. There are consequences. There is action (or in-action, depending upon the desired effect).

A drill sergeant delivers tough love but s/he also embodies strength, responsibility, authority, and leadership.

You may be in need of some tough love. Or someone you know is. Here’s how I recommend you begin the approach:

• Stop being the crutch they need to carry on. Don’t be an enabler.
• Have a 15-minute conversation with them explaining the new road you are taking (and why). No discussion. This is informational only.
• Lay out the rules.
• Lay out the consequences.
• Be diligent in applying them (and ensure you have the authority to).
• Take 15-minutes to yourself each day to redefine why you are doing this, the intended outcome/s, and the approach specifics.
• Involve other people as necessary (if its trouble with your kid at school, involve school partners, truancy officers, etc….).
  
  Examples where I believe a tough love approach is necessary:
• When someone’s health is at risk.
• When someone’s marriage is at risk.
• When someone’s career is at risk.
• When behavior disruptions are detrimenting the family and/or office.
• Substance abuse.
• A failure to take responsibility for one’s own actions/inactions.
• A disciplinary problem person.
  

Disclaimer: tough love should not be used to abuse another person. It does not include verbally insulting, assaulting or otherwise "do harm" to others. It is one of the available approaches to curb undesired behaviors (in ones self as well as others). I consider it more of a reality check grounded in organization, clarity and compassion with a desire to help another lead a productive life.

Brain Games

Do you know that losing your memory and other cognitive decline does NOT have to be a part of your natural aging? It’s true.

You can do things now, each day or each week, to preserve your mental functioning. Ever more so, you can improve it- at any age. New brain cells will form.

I suggest visiting two websites for your brain health (the same way you focus on your physical exercise- you should focus on your mental exercises):

Lumosity.com

Sharpbrains.com

At Lumosity you can sign up for a free trial and learn about your own current cognitive functioning. You can also work on it during the trial and see your numbers improve.

At Sharpbrains.com you can find dozens of brain games to play for free. Some are more interesting than others. Pick and choose.

Here’s to more graceful aging – at any age.

Wedding Weight.....

I promised to “weigh in” on my own challenge with the pounds and fitness as a whole. The last 6 months have been wild and wonderful- just like West Virginia, the state I got married in. I ran in a marathon. I assembled a world-class team of nutrition experts and exercise physiologists. I logged my food and tracked my exercise. I learned about my body and what it can and “has a harder time” doing via metabolic testing.

I lost pounds and inches. The wedding came and I looked and felt great!

Now, the honeymoon is in the distant past (more than 6 weeks in the past) and you ask, “How are you doing?” Great! I’m doing great!

I don’t have the numbers to tell you about- because I don’t own a scale. But my clothes continue to feel loose and comfortable on me.

The Pros: I still eat really well. I am 90% vegetarian. (Full disclosure here folks, where else can you get that today?) I graze. I eat every 2-3 hours. My meals are smaller, very healthful (for the most part) and fill me up. I love my new style of eating. We visit the farmers markets twice a week for fresh ingredients to cook with. We now eat at home 95% of the week. We used to eat out 75% of the time!

The Cons: I picked up a new client which has really challenged my schedule. Given I shut down at 5 PM to have my “honey time” with my new husband- my gym time has been cut out. I was going to the gym 4-5 times a week for at least 45 minutes and now I don’t go.

The beauty of this dilemma is that it mirrors that of what I hear from others who are challenging their unfit ways.

Here is my advice for how to manage without the gym:

Ø Are you taking 1 hour a day for yourself? (Reading, exercising, meditating, painting, …) Make sure you do. You will not be helpful to anyone if you aren’t good to yourself first.
Ø Walk more. I have now added two hours of walking into my weekly schedule. I walk to and from errands, clients, etc… Plus, I still walk the dogs (perhaps a little more diligently now).
Ø Log your food. Each bite. Make sure you know how much you are eating (fat grams, cholesterol, calories, servings, etc…)
Ø Eat better. Choose fresh ingredients you feel good about.
Ø Cook more. Don’t allow anyone to put your pounds on for you. Choose your guilty pleasures carefully- yourself. Limit salt. Limit quantities. You see where I’m going.
Ø Educate those you love. Make this a lifestyle everyone wants to be a part of. Celebrate every pound lost and every inch that’s disappeared! Enjoy tasting your food for once, not just swallowing it!
Ø Work on your home. Gardening and home chores are good exercise. Learn to love going up and down the steps- carrying things!
Ø Keep a journal. Note how you feel, what you are doing and why you are doing it.
Ø Commit to yourself! Look at photos of you then and now. Describe how you feel/felt. Imagine how you want to describe yourself and how you feel. Do it now. Tomorrow is never guaranteed.

I hope this helps you. I’m not proud of not getting to the gym. But, I’m not allowing that to be an excuse to override my hard work either. I’m not going to be over 200 pounds ever again. I’ve committed that to me!

She’s Gone and Lost Her Mind! The MAD Offer!

We’re Celebrating 2 years in Pittsburgh, as a full-time coach! (I always use “we” because I never get anywhere alone- there is always a team behind all that I do.)

Last year we sent whacky fliers with a photo of me when I was a few years old! The flier served as a thank you to our clients, friends and supporters. If memory serves, there was a little goodie in each bag also.

In celebrating this year, we’re making a most outrageous offer! I hope you are sitting down!

Pay what you think the session is worth! You read it right. Pay what you think the session is worth! Some restaurants are doing it, why not us too? Heck, we’ll try anything in the name of fun for ourselves and our clients!!!

The caveat: You must be a current or former Champion Member or coaching client to take advantage of this offer. And, you must call/email me before 4 PM on July 24, 2009 to make your appointments. You can have 1 or 2 1-hr sessions with this offer. All must take place in July or August. There are no reschedules allowed.

The loophole: (to keep it fair and FUN) You can become a “current Champion Member” by signing up for the Champions Series ($39 a month) at our website (www.spahrconsulting.com) by July 24, 2009, 4 PM. (See, we wouldn’t let you miss this chance!)

Everybody is talking about this offer! How on earth can she do it? Well, we’ve modeled it to be manageable, creative and above all else- a THANK YOU to our clients, friends and supporters for an amazing 2 YEARS! So, we’ll worry about the unaddressed details over the next month! YOU deserve this.

Bahia

I was moved last week. I was reading about one of the airplanes that had gone down in recent weeks and a story jumped out at me. It was about 12-year old Bahia. I hope you’ve heard about her.

Bahia and her mother were traveling by air (to and from where matter far less). The plane went down. Her mother was lost forever. Bahia clung to a piece of the shattered aircraft unable to see anything in the darkness around her. She said she could hear voices but couldn’t see anything.

Do you know how long she hung on to that piece of scrap? 13 hours.

(Let’s put this in some bad perspective: I can barely hold a 8 lb barbell at my side, in the air, for 3 minutes less than even imagine clinging on to a piece of metal in the cold dark sea- for 13 hours- with no one to support you.)

When Bahia was saved, after calling out to a passing ship, her father commented on who his daughter is. He said she is a “frail young girl”. Here’s where I nearly fell out of my seat. Frail? Dear Sir, there is nothing frail about this dynamo. She’s one of the strongest people I’ve ever read about- in body, mind and spirit.

This article (read in the New York Times, my daily choice for reading) gave me a great deal to ponder over the last few days. It brought about thoughts of perception, self-perception and that of others, cultural descriptions of youth and women, in particular, what strength and frailty really mean, etc…

I was so moved by Bahia’s strength that her name as gone on a list of “children’s names” if I ever get an opportunity to name any. “Bahia” is one of the ones that has more meaning. Others are just silly and fun, like, “Lily .. Pad”. My husband really hates that one. I suppose I’m an artist at heart.

Let’s celebrate Bahia this week by thinking about her, her ordeal and our own strengths.

The Coach’s Guide to Wedding Planning… Due Out Soon

Tis the season… of brides. No matter what shape the economy is in, people are falling in love and getting married. They may plan for 1 week, 1 month or 1 year- or many choices in between, but their planning. And, it can be stressful (as I have observed).

As many of you know I married for the first time on May 23. I planned for my wedding for 7 months. (I waited what seemed to be a lifetime.) My planning was virtually stress free and really fun. How on earth did I do that? I’ll tell you… in the Coach’s Guide to Wedding Planning. I’m writing it now and it will be available soon. Email me (lspahr@spahrconsulting.com) if you want to be on the waiting list.

I’ll discuss everything from the dress…..

To the venue and date selection...

To the food…..

To the inclusion of your husband to-be…..


To you guest list…
And, to the special elements that you can add to make this a unique and very personal experience for everyone.

All of this information will come to you from the bride, who is also a coach. The goal is to keep your stress level down, excitement and enthusiasm up, and fill this time with wonderful memories you'll share with a smile for many years to come!

I can't begin to tell you how wonderful my wedding was, to me, my husband and our guests. I have no doubt I can help you make your event the same.

The Changing Face of YOU

I was at a presentation the other day on social media. The presenter illustrated how we are different than our parents’ generation. Young people today have had a dozen jobs before they turn 30, they meet and network online and they multi-task like never before.

I often have this conversation with people. Although I know quite a few people who stay at their jobs 10+, 30+ years, I know far more that change jobs every 3 years. I’ve been one of them (the latter).

I just added my part-time and full-time adventures up. I’ve had more than 25. Mind you, I started working at the age of 12 (“waitressing” for the inquiring minds). I’ve done everything from work as a gas station attendant, serve pizza from a pizza truck on Temple’s campus, deliver messages for a company called Heaven Sent, to work for a police think tank and top-military training company as an Investigative Scientist.

Regarding social media and electronic savvy: I met my husband via MySpace. (Need I say more?) We spoke via email a few months before meeting in person. I also own/manage 2 websites, 2 blogs, 1 Ezine and am frequently on Facebook. One final piece of evidence: I sent video thank you to my wedding guests, rather than traditional stationary thank yous.

And, last point, multi-tasking: For several years I’ve worn multiple hats. Those hats could be for the same company or working multiple jobs at the same time. My max is 3 jobs at once. I have a lot of energy. And, I have a lot of interests. I enjoy taking on interesting projects. (That’s not an invitation… unless you have something really phenomenal…)

I encourage you to consider who you are in today’s world. I think it’s great if you choose to stay in one place for 20+ years. I also think its okay to realize if your goals are elsewhere. My caution is that you get too stuck in your ways. Step outside your primary profession and see what people are doing. Go outside your company to socialize and see what the buzz is. Travel once per year to a place unlike your town. Accept and embrace adventure.

From one adventurer to another. Enjoy.

An Icon Dead at 50? Lessons Learned the Hard Way

What can we learn from Michael Jackson's death?

Well, after grieving the loss of a pop start that defined most of my youth (and likely yours); I encourage you to look at your own life for threats of crisis.

I was in shock when my husband delivered the news to me. (I frequently review the New York Times (online version) each day and listen to NPR, mostly in the car. But, on this sad day I was listening to an audio book in my kitchen preparing dinner.) Within minutes I said to him, “A heart attack at 50! He seemed to be in good shape! I want you and I to take better care of ourselves. I couldn’t imagine losing you at 50.”

The very real possibility of a youthful death entered my mind. I thought about his kids. I thought about what if I would have children and then die young or have my husband do the same. It was eerie.

The autopsy hasn’t been released yet. We don’t know what caused his cardiac arrest. However, we do know what causes them to happen to anyone….. heart disease, stress, using certain drugs, cigarette smoking and exposure to extreme cold. (See linked site above as a reference.)

Are you at risk? If so, do something about it today. You owe it to yourself and your family.

No one should have to lose a loved one at the age of 50. It’s hard enough at 85. But, 50 simply feels like a terrible injustice, particularly to a man billions of people had once loved.

The Other Man in My Life….and he could be yours today

We found “Frankie” last night around midnight. He was wondering the streets with no identification. We call him Frankie because of his gorgeous cool blue eyes.

We spent ½ of our Fathers Day (Rob is so wonderful) finding a shelter for the lovely Frankie. We dropped him off at the Western PA Humane Society (on Western Ave on the North Shore) about an hour ago.

Frankie is awesome. He’s under a year old, spunky, loving, good with people and dogs, trainable….. He knows “sit” (not that he does it consistently) and is housebroken (from our 12 hours with him).

He is a non-neutered male with at least part Pit Bull in him. I’m not sure what the other part it. He has some German Shepard qualities. He is not micro chipped. And, I believe, from some of his early behavior with us, that he may have been hit in his last home.

We want to find Frankie a new and loving home.

If you have considered adopting a pet (any kind of pet) I beg you to visit your local shelters this week.

If you think Frankie could be the man for you please go to the Humane Society in the next few days to meet him. He’ll be on hold for 48 hours in case his owners come forth.

Although we call him Frankie, the Humane Society has him under the ID A107200. Their number is 412-321-4625 and their site is http://www.wpahumane.com/

Please let me know if you followed up on Frankie. I’ll be thinking about him for some time to come.

Please also support your own local shelters to the best of your ability (monetary donations, in-kind donations, volunteering, encouraging spay and neuter programs, etc….)

Many thanks. And, Happy Father’s Day.

Reversal of Attitude

My friend Tara can attest to this. In my late teens, I used to hate going over to someone’s house to “watch a movie”. That was in sharp contrast to years before when Becky and I would spend every Friday night at her place watching one- after going to the high school football game of course.

Why did I hate it so much? I figured I could watch one at home if I wanted to do that- why go elsewhere?! And, I suppose I opted for other alternatives. After all, now you have a car, a license, and the freedom to go anywhere you want. (“Those were the days!” Isn’t that what people say?)

Fast forward to today, 2009. Rob and I can be found “living up our Fridays” at home in a fierce game of Scrabble. In fact, twice this week I’ve been engaged in “scrabble-related” conversations with business colleagues. We’re considering a friendly game in the months ahead. And, a few weeks ago at my wedding, a group of people (unknown to one another until that weekend, by the way) gathered on their last night at the Greenbrier to play cards together.

Attitudes change. Mine has. We can spend hours discussing why and how, but I think the important point is that it’s okay. It’s okay to change your mind. It’s okay to all of a sudden like something you hated. It’s okay to want to do something differently. It’s more than okay, in fact, its highlighting that you are a free-thinker and not controlled by the past.

I still don’t love sitting down and watching television or movies. I get fidgety (mind and body). But, I enjoy doing it occasionally with people who love it- because of what it means to them. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll be yelling “movie time!”

Volunteering Calls You!

Similar to post-9/11, people are looking for greater meaning in their lives. More fulfilling ways to spend their time.

I have several clients who are opting to leave high-powered, 70-hr work weeks, for jobs that pay 1/2 their current salaries but are far more community-centered.

I encourage everyone to volunteer with/for a cause that speaks to them. Volunteering doesn't just mean serving meals to people (a common misconception). It can be offering your expertise to your favorite charity for 10 hours a month (~2 hours a week).

Visit www.volunteermatch.org and type in your zip code and a keyword (choose a word related to your charities of choice such as "children" or "animals"; or choose a word related to what you do, such as "accounting" or "database"). This site will show you opportunities that exist in your area for your keywords.

How much simpler can it be?

Also, call your favorite charities and ask them if they need volunteers. I'd be surprised if they say no.

Happy volunteering. Let's all bring a little more meaning into our lives.

7 Tips for Better Living

What is the recipe for success? What makes a man or woman feel accomplished? The truth is that it’s different for each one of us. It takes a comprehensive look at ourselves, our values, our principles, our desires and our goals to identify what a successful life would look like for us.

But, if I had to share with you a general recipe for better living it would include:
1. Read more, watch less (turn the telly off and pick up a book)
2. Take 1 hour for yourself each day (to exercise, to meditate, to study something, etc…)
3. Create goals for yourself (daily, weekly, monthly and annually)
4. Socialize with others at least once a week outside of your work (a group dinner, happy hour, a group sports event, etc…)
5. Get involved with your community (join a club, volunteer, sit on the board, etc…)
6. Create a personal manifesto that will guide you, your actions, your choices, your decisions….
7. Do a year end review. Ask yourself, “What did I accomplish this past year?” Revisit your goals, hopes, challenges, and successes. Then, design your plan for the year ahead.

Are you in Paradise?

I posed this question to my husband while we were on our honeymoon in Jamaica. “Would you rather be poor in a town/city you LOVED or be wealthier in a town/city you LIKED?”

The question first came to me when I was in Capri, Italy, in 1996. I was passing a little shack surrounded by grape vines as I rode what looked like a chair lift up the cliff. And I remember thinking to myself, “Yeah, I could totally live in that shack on this gorgeous island.”

How would you answer that question? Here are a few follow up questions: Are you living in a place you LOVE? Are you comfortable where you are living and that makes you enjoy the place all the more? If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

So many people say, “If I could live anywhere, it would be _____”. Just like they say, “If I could have been anything I would have been a _____, instead of what I am/what I do.”

Why live that way? Do you realize that people make a choice to live in their dream town/city every day?

Others work hard to make their town/city their dream place by living their best lives there. It’s kind of like, “if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you are with”. I definitely advocate you find a way to be with the one you love, however, there are times I could agree to enjoy what you have for the moment.

Either way, take some time to dream about your ideal living space/s. Dare to ask why you can’t have them if you don’t have them already. Challenge yourself and your family to come up with a plan to move there within 5 years (1 year if you are an overachiever). Then, take a weekend or week long trip there to revisit why you love it so much. Who knows, maybe it’s changed to where you’ll fall in love with another location – or maybe it will serve as motivation to pack your permanent bags!

Happy traveling- and relocating.

Good Old Customer Service- or NOT - a Case Study

You know I’m a stickler for customer service- excellent customer service. And, that I think its DEAD in most places today.

Here’s an example of what happened to me yesterday in one of my prize customer service observation centers- the United States Post Office.

I was in line with 6 other customers (note that I said “customers”). 2 long-term postal clerks were serving customers (I use “serving” very loosely here).

First Observation: a young man (customer) asks the clerk for a dollar and a half in quarters with his change. The clerk looks perturbed. The clerk gives the customer his change without the $1.50 in change. The customer asks politely again. The clerk says in a very defensive tone, “Look, there are three banks within this row. I’m not one of them.” The customer seems embarrassed and politely says, “Ok, sorry about that.”

Second Observation: (30 seconds after the one above) a woman (customer) is having a package weighed by the other clerk in the post office. The clerk asks the customer if she’s ready to ship it, as she was only inquiring about cost. The customer says yes. The clerk then offered a few other ways she could have mailed it. The customer was considering the options and said, “But you’ve already scanned it in haven’t you?” The clerk said, “Yes”. The customer paused. She finally said, “Can you void it so that I can mail it another way?” The clerk said, while rolling her eyes, “yes, I can.” As the customer walked over to another part of the office to examine package materials, the clerk said, out loud and loudly, “Count to 10! Count to 10! It’s been a long Day!”

Do I need to do a post-mortem on these dialogues and what went wrong? I don’t think so. My readers are intelligent enough to know these individuals shouldn’t be in their current positions without serious consultation with a manager. They wouldn’t be my employees- I can guarantee you that.

Do you know the correlation of customer service and repeating revenue? It’s huge. Customers will pay more for better service! Ironically, I understand the Postal Service is experiencing trouble with revenue. Is that a no-brainer? It’s not all due to the age of the internet. People are using Fed Ex and UPS like mad.

I know what you are saying, “Welcome back from your honeymoon Bride. The real world awaits.”

Thanks- Lisa (Mrs. Lisa Spahr)
At least I know I have job security in customer service training. Bring it on. 412.867.9991 Office Line