Networking for Beginners

So, you keep hearing that you should be networking. But, you have no idea how or where to start. Here's your game plan.

1. Google "business calendar" for your town/city. You're likely to find a few business calendars with event listings. You can also try "business events" and other related words. Once you find sites that really give you what you are looking for, bookmark them so you don't have to google them again. If you don't know how to bookmark, use your "help" button near the top of your screen and type in "bookmark". (The help button is really helpful if you get in the habit of using it.)
2. Check out "meet ups" in your town/city. Go to http://www.meetup.com/ and then choose your city/town. Plug in search terms for hobbies or interests you have. Also, search on business events.
3. Check your local newspapers and bulletin boards at your favorite shops (coffee shops, libraries and co-ops or markets are big bulletin board spots) for events.
4. If you work full-time I suggest choosing one new event each week to attend. Once you go 2-3 times you'll know whether this is something you want to continue to attend. Give it a few chances because sometimes the crowd changes, topics or events are more or less interesting and every meeting can have one dud. Hang in there.
5. If you work part-time or not at all you need to be at a new event every single day. Yes, you read that right. When I started my business I was at at least two events each day, sometimes three. Doing that for 6 months gave my business the boost it needed and caught me up to competing businesses in the area that had been established.
6. Think about your introduction but not to the point it stresses you out. What do you want people to know about you the first time they meet you. Keep it simple and short. Make it interesting. Be personable (nice). Ask them about themselves- which takes the edge off of you. Remember that this isn't a sales pitch, its an introduction to you the person. They have to like and know you before they want to sit down and talk about business or how to help you find the right opportunity (job, lead, client, etc...). Be someone that they want to get to know better.
7. Take the first step and go to an event. You don't have to give a 10-minute speech, just go to the event. You'll see it gets easier the more often you go to them. You'll establish your own rhythm and the words will come based on your experiences and seeing/hearing others. Observe and absorb.

You can do it! In this climate, you must do it, if you want to make the most of your career/job search/business, etc... Networking can be the difference between success and failure. Trust me, I wasn't always the networker I am today, but I, like you, had to start somewhere.

More networking tips will come via my blog. This is just a starting point for beginners.

Earn Free Money While Supporting a Friend or Colleague

As a trusted reader of this blog, I am asking for your help in building the Champions Series (a low-cost monthly coaching program). For each Champion you refer you will receive either a free 30-minute call for yourself or a check for $50. It's that simple. When your referral signs up for the program I'll send you an email asking about which gift you would like. You can earn as much as you want by referring others. It really is that easy.

The hallmark of the Champions Series is a 30-minute private call each month to work on goals, discuss current challenges, etc... the call is for the Champion and they dictate how we use the time.

Do someone a favor and suggest they join today. The application and more information about the series can be found on my website http://www.spahrconsulting.com/Champions.html


This offer expires November 30, 2010

Four Tips for the Current Job Market

Are you one of the newly unemployed? Have you been unemployed for more than 12 months? This advice is good for both groups- although some may not want to hear it.

There are jobs out there. I have clients getting jobs each week. I have employers coming to me and telling me about jobs they have and asking if I have a client to fill them. So, why are you still unemployed?

If you really want to get a job here are a few tips to get you there:

1. A resume is a good start but not the finish.
You must have a good solid vetted resume ready to go now. Have it ready to email via pdf format and have it ready to go in the postal mail, better yet UPS or FedEx or the ultimate hand-carry to your next job home. Your resume has to tell the hiring party why you are well qualified for the job and that you have skills that they desire. Keep the rest to a minimum and maximize impact by paying close attention to what they want and then addressing how you have all of that in your resume.

2. Don't neglect the cover letter. It's your "IN".
I helped a local non-profit hire for a few positions in the last few months. We had hundreds of applicants for each open position but at least half didn't even care enough to send a cover letter! Read that again. For me, as the hiring party, I put each of those resumes in the trash can (shredder really) without even a second glance. Your cover letter is your first impression and introduction to the hirer to let them know why they should even look at your resume and dare ask you in for an interview. Don't be lazy. Do your homework on the company, the position, key employees and then write a cover to dazzle.

3. Network. If you don't like it. Learn to. If you don't know how. Learn to. The calls I get from employers asking if I know a prize candidate are because of my relationships. You need to have them, relationships, many and strong. Get out of your house. Go to groups, meetings, coffee houses, .... Meet people and get to know them. Let them know you are looking and looking for what. If you do well networking you will have men and women all over the city looking for jobs for you.

4. Review all of my blog postings about employment and looking for jobs. I hate to repeat myself. There is some good and useful information throughout my postings over the years. Timeless information. So, keep reading.

If you want 3 more tips email me (and tell me about yourself in 3 sentences or less).

Flexibility in Schedules and Working at Home Opens You Up for Abuse

It's similar to the challenge that the single folks have at the office. Everyone expects them to work overtime, late and on weekends. After all, what do they have better to do?! The rest of us have families for Pete's sake! :)  I say this tongue in cheek because I used to hate when I heard or saw this argument in action. It is so unfair and judgemental. Not to mention plum wrong!

Well, today's "work at home" or "flex schedule" person has it the same. Everyone expects him (or most likely, her) to be able to drop everything and do a volunteer act/duty or run an errand. The same lame argument tries to hold here- they can move their schedule around easier. 9-5ers or office folks say, "I can't leave the office or I would." Or, "I have to work" as though the work of the home worker or flex schedule guy or gal is lesser work.

Adjusting to working at home takes time and discipline. Some can't do it for that reason. You have to treat it the same as having an office. When you do, you'll often find you get more done in a day than anyone who is at the office because you reduce your distractions and use time more effectively (if you stay away from the t.v. and refrigerator).

Don't allow others to railroad your time just because you don't have a traditional position or setting as they do. Your work is equally important, perhaps more so given that you may not be on the clock consistently but rather providing a billable service only when actively supporting a project (time is really money then). Stand firm in telling them you work too and you have deadlines that must be met. And, you aren't at others beck and call. Go ahead, shout it from the rooftops (on a break of course).

And if you are a single woman who works at home with a flexible schedule- my hat is off to you. Have a glass of your favorite beverage on me this evening and know I celebrate you (and promise not to ask you to run the fundraiser yourself!).

Lost in Translation... Email, Texting, Tweeting and the Like

Now that more and more people are texting, emailing, tweeting, and so on... it would be fair to say that communication will never be the same as it once was with good ole Alexander Graham Bell (the inventor of the telephone for the youngsters who may not be aware of who he is).

Consider what text gives you that voice does not:

• storage and retrieval: the ability to review over and over what was written (and not get the words wrong, although meaning is another story)
• flexibility: read it anytime, day or night; respond to it anytime, day or night
• megaphone to the masses: you can say it to thousands at once

Now, what does voice give you that texting does not:

• clearer interpretation: through tone and inflection

It may be one bullet but it's a biggie. How many times have you read an email, text, or tweet and thought the person was being sarcastic, angry, snooty, or otherwise obnoxious? Maybe they were but maybe they weren't. There is a danger in text alone. It fails to include the tone, pitch and/or inflection that makes it our voice. An exclamation point (!) can be taken several ways in text: anger, excitement, yelling, etc... And, speaking of yelling, how about those ALL CAPS THAT SOME PEOPLE USE. How do we feel about those? What do you think they are trying to convey? It's usually their inability to know where the CAPS key is or how it got turned on. But sometimes you may think it's due to the fact they think it makes their content appear that more important or that they are screaming. As a rule, I'd advise never to use ALL CAPS.

Look at your outgoing emails a little more carefully this week. Could any of them be confusing to a reader- as to your intent or meaning? How about those you receive? Before getting mad at your assumption of intention in another's emails, ask them to make sure you got it right. If you think they are mad ask them if they are, before you respond.

Happy emailing, texting, tweeting and the like. Just do it with the knowledge that it doesn't capture the whole you. Sometimes the joke gets lost. Or the seriousness is missed. Writer beware.

Jay-Z Example Follows What I've Always Said... Show Me

Forbes put out their issue with the top billionaires in the country. Always a good read. More interestingly was a meeting, hosted by Steve Forbes, with Jay-Z and Warren Buffett (not to be confused with Jimmy Buffett for those who are less in the know). The two men compared notes on what has driven their success.

Jay-Z highlighted a sixth grade teacher who saw something in him and paid extra attention to him (not in a creepy way I suppose). She took the children on a field trip to her home (must be some home). He was enamored with the ice machine on the face of the refrigerator (I too have had this intrigue, mine was more so with the water than the ice). He decided that he wanted to have an ice machine on the face of his refrigerator one day. Good call. (Although keep in mind that room temperature beverages are better for your health Jay!)

His story illustrates something that has been close to my heart for many years now. SHOW people what exists out there rather than just talk about it. Don't just tell you kids to go to college. Introduce them to people who have. Take them to college campuses. Investigate how to get there (together) and make it happen. Tell your children what a big world out there it is, but show them too! Give them a map and learn about other countries together. Find a pen pal for them across the globe. This goes for adults too. If someone has an addiction, it's one thing to tell them to stop or tell them you know they can do it. It's an entirely different thing to help them by introducing them to people who have, places they can get help or a book filled the people's stories who have been there.

Do more than just talk. Show people what you are talking about. You may learn a thing or two in the lesson.

For the full article: http://www.forbes.com/forbes/2010/1011/rich-list-10-omaha-warren-buffett-jay-z-steve-forbes-summit-interview.html

The Champions Series is Now Open for New Members!

We closed membership for a couple of months while I settled into my new role as a mom. Now, we're back and ready for new Champions to join us.

The Champions Series and Champions Membership is open to those who are interested in personal and business growth. A Champion is one who invests in him/herself and recognizes the potential for improvement in all areas. Champions are attorneys, sales professionals, entrepreneurs, small business owners, life coaches, business coaches and consultants, publicity experts, entertainers, etc..

Membership Includes:


 Weekly Electronic Coaching Moments

 30-Minute Private Coaching Each Month (via telephone)

 Exclusive Options to Upgrade Coaching in the Future

 Access to the Champions Library with dozens of audio seminars ($15 per topic)

There is no reason to not try coaching now!  This is a great deal and it doesn't require hours of your time. It's perfect for busy professionals who just need a brief contact to share ideas, discuss sensitive topics, brainstorm, receive some much deserved motivation and support, etc... Our coaches are here for you.

Join now. Visit http://www.spahrconsulting.com/ for your application and to learn more.

Should I Hire an Overqualified Employee?

Yes and No. (I know you hate when I say that.)

No. You shouldn't hire an overqualified person if there is absolutely NO room for advancement and flexibility in the role. If you need someone to count items floating on a conveyor belt and they can never grow in that position or another in the company, don't hire someone with an MBA, no matter how much they beg. They will leave you when the job market becomes friendlier.

You should also NOT hire an overqualified person if you don't have a history of high retention. If people typically leave you for all kinds of reasons, you likely have no benefits to retain an overqualified employee in the future.

Yes. You should hire an overqualified person if you have ideas or an existing pathway for great talent to grow and evolve in your company. The overqualified person will likely lend him/herself to developing a key, and perhaps unforeseen, role in your company utilizing his/her talents. You'll win and so will they. In this job market, and in the past, there are overqualified candidates that are seeking the positions you have to offer. The question is "why are they seeking your job?". Ask them. Are they haphazardly applying for EVERYTHING? If so, you don't want them and never did. But if they can succinctly tell you why they want to work for you and they know full well what the job entails (and pays). You may want to give them a shot. It's a added bonus if you have longevity with your employees and use their talents to make your company better. Again, everyone wins when this happens. Too often we try to fit a person into a job. When we do it the other way around we most likely gain exponentially. Fit the role to the person and his/her talents.

I remember applying for a job with a well respected think tank (back in the late 90's). I was told I was overqualified and they wouldn't even entertain my application. I begged them. I pleaded my case telling they why I was ideal for their company and assured them I'd be willing and able to perform in that role for a couple of years. Still no. So, years later I got in through a back door. I found a director-level employee at a conference and asked for a meeting over coffee. I got my meeting and I got a job offer. Although I got the job in the end, I still wish that I had the opportunity to work there in the interim. I was passionate about the company and could do the work with my eyes closed. And, maybe I would have used those extra years to work my way up higher than I did when I ultimately left.

Consider why an applicant wants to work for/with you. It should be stated on their cover letter. You may want a 5 minute phone screen to firm your understanding.

Hire them if you have a plan to keep them and will utilize their talents.

Don't hire them if you don't plan to cultivate your talent and if you just want a person to strictly fit a role.

As an aside: There was a great NY Times article on this topic. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/29/us/29overqualified.html?_r=1&emc=eta1.

What Makes You Happy?

The New York Times featured an article titled But Will it Make You Happy?  It's a great read about a woman who changed her life significantly by ridding herself of things that weren't contributing to her happiness and exchanging them for things that did. I loved the article. Her story is becoming far more the norm than the exception in many of the media I read. More and more people are asking themselves what will truly make them happy and then recreating their lifestyle for more enjoyment and less "routine and mundane".

Do you live in the "routine and mundane" or do you consistently evaluate your priorities and make sure you are living in a way to fulfill them?

I often ask clients to do a cross-reference between their money and their goals. Do they spend money in a way that it will promote their goals and ensure their success or are the two polar opposite? Polar opposite would mean you say you want to accomplish x but you never put any money (or time) toward making that happen. It's all talk. Worse yet, where your money goes has nothing to do with how you really want to live. Many people have no idea where their money goes until I have them report it for 30 days. Then they are surprised by how much they spend on frivolous things.

The woman in the NYTimes article reduced her worldly possessions to 100 items. How many do you have? How many items do you have in your home? How many are meaningful to you?

Do you live with purpose or just plot along like most everyone else? Do you want to live with purpose?

There are some big questions in this blog. I encourage you to think about them and talk them over with someone close to you. Someone who won't discourage your ideas and dreams. Remember that each day you make hundreds of choices about how you are going to live. You usually make the same choices you did yesterday but that in and of itself is a choice. Be brave and daring, make a different choice tomorrow if you want to.

Here are a few ways to do that: Try a different restaurant. Take a class you never heard of. Speak to someone you never have before. Dare to really think about what makes you happy and then decide to get more of that.

Happy living.

Does Your Business Hang Up on Customers?

Sadly, today's blog is out of an experience I had with a bad business. I feel comfortable calling them a bad business because any business that tolerates its staff hanging up on customers is bad. (Minus those who do allow a gentle hang-up if a caller is cursing at staff- which I don't condone.)

Today's bad business- World Education Services. They do international education equivalency reviews and other things. I called upon them and their service for an equivalency report from one of my degrees. They didn't give me the review and report that I paid for but they did give me a great experience to share with you.

So, on what conditions do your staff hang up on callers? Never? I suggest you test them. How well do your staff hold up to callers who are upset or expressing displeasure with your business? Again, I say, test them.

Case in point: I called WES to clear up an issue about what was sent to them via my university, having spoken with staff at the university first. A WES staff continued to give me the generic answer, "contact your registrar". Had she been listening to me, she would know that the office I was dealing with at the international university was "the registrar" who handles all matters related to transcripts. It was one of those situations where A blames B and B affirms they did what they were supposed to do. Where does that leave you? (By the way, I believe the university more than WES because I had the university send me the exact thing they sent to WES at the same time. Perhaps I subconsciously knew this was coming.) I realized the call was going nowhere fast and requested a full refund of my payment (in the hundreds) given they were unwilling to review what was sent to them and asking the university to send another packet wouldn't alleviate the issue since they sent the packet as it was supposed to be sent in the first place. I'm getting off track. Forgive me... let's get to the hang up.
She told me my request for a refund was useless because when I put my order for services in I agreed to their refund policy (which I certainly don't recall but it could have been one of those long tirades about "agree or disagree" which you have to accept to move forward in the process- no one reads those things). I then told her that I had no problem reporting them to the Better Business Bureau and asked for her name. That's when I heard the click. She hung up on me.

I never raised my voice. I never cursed. I never brought her mother in to it. :)  Why on earth did she have such a short trigger as to hang up on a paid customer? Maybe it was because I was paid and not paying. Ah.

What is your business policy for callers who complain? Request refunds? Threaten to call consumer advocacy groups on your business? Have a plan and practice, practice, practice. Then, test, test, test. Hire me and I'll test for you. I might enjoy it.

My lesson here: ask for their name at the very beginning of the conversation. Don't wait for trouble.

And, yes, I've placed a dispute investigation on the payment with my business credit card. Thank goodness someone has good customer service. Go PNC!

The New Busy Signal

Do you remember the day of the busy signal? It would drive you mad to be calling someone, who didn't have call waiting or - dating yourself, say it was before call waiting, and you'd get a busy signal. Over and over again you'd dial and get a busy signal. Just when you thought the days of the busy signal were over and telephones had come so far.... enter the automated system. A lesser evil? I'm not so sure about that. At least the busy signal was a definite NO your party will NOT answer. Today the automated system teases us as though someone may be with us in this decade. It's like a game of risk or try your luck. Are you feeling lucky today?

Case in point: My doctor called with test results yesterday. She told me to call back and ask for the doc on call. Easier said than done. I called back and tried option #2, which is what I usually use to schedule appointments. No luck. They told me to try option #4 and they put me back into "the system". I did just that. Option #4 pressed. The dreaded automated voice came on and told me "All agents are busy. Please stay on the line and the next available agent will be with you." Do you promise? I heard this message about 60 times, that would be twice per minute. Now any math whiz reading this will tell you I was on hold for 30 minutes. That's right, 30 minutes. I hung up in disgust and tried again. Why would I try again you might ask, did I think somehow another line would be luckier? I don't know. I felt I didn't have many choices. My blood pressure was rising (good thing it wasn't the issue she was calling about!). On my second try I was on hold 10 minutes before hanging up, again in disgust. Now, I simply called back in and chose option #1, the emergency line. "Is this an emergency?" the woman on the line asked. I didn't lie. I simply said I was returning the docs call. She paged the doc and within about 3 minutes we were connected. Thank God.

In your business do you use an automated system? Have you called it yourself? I'd recommend calling it every week, during various hours to check response time and ease of use. In fact, for ease of use ask your clients directly and have others call in and give you feedback. Most systems stink. You don't want to admit that because you paid for it and likely chose some of the awful options the rest of us get to deal with. Next time put together a focus group of your clients and potential clients to design the system. Most people will be much happier.

Happy dialing.

Money Can Buy Happiness

I was in the library, about 2 years ago, when I saw the title, "Money Can Buy Happiness" by Dunleavey. I grabbed it in anticipation of what it would say. I'll let you read it for yourself to find out. I'll tell you this, I liked it.

That same title was on page 18 of my current issue of Forbes Magazine (yes, I know I've been talking up Forbes a lot lately, forgive me). Michael Norton tells us that money can make us happy.... IF we give it away. He discusses research that shows raises don't make a big dent in our lifestyle quality or satisfaction but giving away money does. So, no matter what you make, give some away. You'll life will be better for it. I believe him and I abide by the rule. If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, or following me on Facebook, you know that my charities of choice involve animal welfare. We give for birthdays, holidays and random days- just to show our support for the cause as well as feel good that we have the opportunity to give.

Check out the article for yourself. There are some interesting numbers in here. http://www.forbes.com/forbes/2010/0913/opinions-ipad-happiness-money-lotto-on-my-mind.html

Happy giving. Happy life.

Employee Fatigue and Burnout in the Era of Layoffs and Downsizing

I hear it from client after client, "the axe missed me but hit my two colleagues and now I have their duties plus my own!"  In the days of layoffs, downsizing and jobs being dissolved, the "lucky" employees who are left face a dismal future. They are often met with frozen salaries, or worse yet, asked to take a decrease in pay, yet have several new hats they have to wear to make up for those comrades lost. They don't feel lucky at all.

I must warn all employers out there. I totally understand that there are times you have to cut. There are times those cuts have to be deep. But, know your employees- for they too have limits. I encourage you to understand how much one employee can handle. How many tasks can they do with high quality, attention to detail, a positive attitude, etc...? How can they still feel valued in light of the increased responsibility without equivalent pay increase? Their value is likely to be seen in the quality of work they produce for you. Don't take it lightly.

Do you know and understand how your employees can be fatigued? I'm not just talking about being physically and visibly tired. I'm talking about their self-worth, value, security and craftsmanship being compromised by the increased workload and seeing their peers "let go". Each employee will fatigue in different ways and at different points but it is your job to be cognizant that it will in fact happen. You have to address it before it happens and then be vigilant to observe individual changes over time to address them again.

I also want to warn those of you who think that you can have one man (or woman) do the job of two, three, or four. You can't. (Assuming all did a high quality job in the first place and that each was kept busy for their work week. If you've read other posts of mine, you'll know I'm a huge fan of cutting the fat- those employees who aren't doing high quality work consistently and making the most of their work hours.) 

Take this for example: I recall a polite disagreement I had with a cleaning company once. I paid for three cleaners to be at my home for three hours. The cleaning company only sent two cleaners but argued that they'd stay longer to make up for the missing man (/woman). Now, I encourage you to think about that. Cleaning is hard work. It's physically demanding. Think of fatigue in the traditional sense. Do you think that cleaner one and two will still have the same stamina at hour four that they did at hour one? No, of course they won't. They'll be slower and more tired. Physically and mentally they are ready to rest or do something else. I would be. And, unless I missed something we can't have one person in two places at the same time. Had I gotten the three cleaners I paid for I could have three rooms or three tasks being undertaken at the same time. With two people that is not possible.  The cleaning company was arguing equality but they were wrong. You can't double the duties of someone and expect the same results as having two people doing it. (Again, expecting that people are diligent in their duties in the first place.)

Yes, the "lucky" employees who didn't get the axe may feel fortunate for a quick minute when the pink slip doesn't land in their hand, but that luck will run out when you ask them to pick up where the other guy left off. And, the bad luck will filter into the productivity and culture of your workplace, product/service and brand. Consider yourself warned.

The Freedom of Asking

Some may wonder how a 21 year old, who has never flown in an airplane, gathers the courage to fly to Rome and live for a summer- without knowing a soul. Or, how she chooses to attend a graduate program overseas- again without knowing a soul. The truth of the matter is that this young woman has lived her life with a belief in two things: (1) people are mostly good and (2) they will help you when you need it. That woman is me and I still believe in these two notions.

My freedom to travel the world came when I learned how to ask for help, and it was received. Try it sometime. Ask a stranger for directions. Ask someone to help you carry something heavy. Ask someone for advice. MOST people will gladly help you. We like to help- it makes us feel good about ourselves. Give us that opportunity.

I took advantage of this notion this week when I sent out a SOS message to a few gal pals who have little babes of their own at home. I needed some advice on sleeping for my 6-week old. Within minutes, my phone was lighting up and my email was buzzing. The messages of hope and encouragement are still coming in. You gotta love that.

Some people have a hard time asking others for various reasons. But I dare you to shed yourself of that inhibition and ask- ask for what you need. You'll likely find a smiling person on the other end, happy to help you. And, if you don't, don't give up. Ask someone else. You've just unfortunately had a run in with the less than 20% curmudgeon population we share the earth with. Believe it or not, they need help too - but they will likely never ask for it. Don't be one of them.

Pay Yourself or Give Your Money Away Based on Your Goal Success

In between diaper changes, diaper laundry and cleaning bottles, I try to enrich my mind. Forbes Magazine never really appealed to me before now. Month after month it arrives at my home only to find its way to the library "share" bin. But times have changed. I now find that it gives me some of the brain fuel I need to keep one foot in the game while I get used to motherhood. This latest edition had a few very interesting articles.

Make a Commitment by Ayres and Nalebuff really spoke to me as a coach and as a person who has many goals in this lifetime. The gist of the article is a discussion of StickK.com which helps you achieve your goals by sharing them (and your success of failure) with friends online. When push comes to shove it allows you to put some money up for the goal. Your money for a failed goal can go to a charity, or an anti-charity as the article argues so that you REALLY HATE losing it knowing that it goes to your mortal enemy.

Putting money up for a goal is a great idea if you ask me. I remember the first time I bungee jumped. I was terrified at the last second to "drop" from the 300-ft crane. I let go and quickly grabbed the bar again before plummeting out backwards from the cage I was standing in. The man operating the crane, in the cage with me, told me I wasn't going to get a refund. I dropped. And, then went back the next night to do it all over again!

I also recall, many years ago, when I quit smoking. I saved my "cigarette money" and did something wonderful for myself each time it added up substantially (which doesn't take long). A massage, facial, pedicure... you name it. I turned around the money I was paying for cancer, bad breath, and smelly clothing and opted to do something more fruitful with it.

Money speaks volumes to us. It has a language like no other. We listen to it. We abide by it. So, go ahead, put a dollar amount on your next goal. Someone is going to win. Why shouldn't it be you.

She Brought Me to My Knees

I'll confess, I think I'm a toughie. I spent years interviewing psychopaths in prisons (a real life Clairise Starling), working along side police combing photographs that most wouldn't want to see, and am really good at being planful and methodical in my life (resisting temptations and impulsive moves that most would jump at). But this, this has brought me to my knees.

I'm talking about the last month of my life. The birth experience of my daughter that was the furtherest from what I had planned and prepped for, all of those months. She and mother nature showed me that I wasn't in charge and couldn't have it my way. Then, there was the challenge of breastfeeding. Again, mother nature stepped in and told me that it didn't matter how many books I read or how many lactation consultants I went to- it wasn't going to be the way I wanted or planned. Tears, anger, resentment and confusion wouldn't change that either. "Deal with it," I could hear her say. I won't repeat here what I said in return.

Last but not least, the most glorious element of all that has brought me to my knees is love. I've been fortunate in my life to know great love. I've loved many times - great friends and love interests. I am wildly in love with my husband. But, this, this is different. Looking at her, touching her sweet little body.... no, I've never known love like this. This is beyond any I could fathom. It's sheer joy. It's magical. It's euphoria.

I've been brought to my knees several times over the last 4 weeks. I'm thankful (even if not every moment of every day) for the experience. It's humbling. Even for a toughie.

The Sound of Friendship

Forgive my failure to post in recent weeks. We welcomed our daughter, Bahia Lorraine, on July 18th. Her birth story wasn't quite what we had planned but was joyous nonetheless. It has been a roller coaster ride with many highs and lows- oh, and many sleepless nights too but that goes with the territory of a newborn I suppose.

This blog posting pays homage to the many friends that came to our aid during these weeks. The gave me many examples of pure friendship and love .. and I thought I'd share them with you.

In a nutshell, our labor was a 56 hour event. I labored naturally, without pain medication (as I wanted) for 55 and a half hours. When ready to push, our midwives determined our baby was breech and I had to go in for an emergency c-section. But alas, our beautiful baby girl was born at 5:07 AM on 7/18. We were overjoyed.

Sadly, on day 4 of her life we reentered the hospital, the Children's Hospital Intensive Care Unit. Bahia was severely dehydrated and her jaundice had gotten out of control due to that. Her bilirubin level was 25 - which is critical. The doctors were preparing us for lumbar punctures, she endured two of them, total body blood transfusions, and many needle sticks (her veins continued to collapse as they tried to find one for an IV). The greatest worry was the jaundice getting to the brain and damaging it. Time was of the essence. We spent 5 days in the NICU.

During that time we received many blessings (AKA the sounds of friendship). Here are just a few of them:

• Two of our girlfriends emailed, "We are just a 4-hour drive away. We love dogs, as you know, and can even clean in a pinch. Can we come up and help you?" Yes, you can. Thank you. They came and walked the dogs, cared for the house, stocked the fridge, cooked meals, everything. They were angels.
• Another friend asked, "Do you need breast milk for Bahia?" Yes, I do. Thank you. Anyone who has breastfed a baby or found themselves incapable of doing so will know what a gift this is. (And, I'm not interested in anyone emailing me telling me of the infection risks of sharing breast milk. I know them all. And, I trust this person with my life. I'm honored to receive her gift for my baby.)
• Our church, Allison Park Church, put a photo of Bahia in the ICU on the large screens during service and prayed for her. During those morning hours, Bahia was taken off all of her bili lights, antibiotics, and extra fluids. She was stable and remained in the hospital for only one more day.
• My mother and her husband cared for our home and dogs while we were in the early days of the NICU. They managed to do that while dealing with their own grief over our situation. This is my mother's only grandchild and this should have been the most joyful of her days but instead it was filled with worry and house chores. We're very thankful they were here. 
• Finally, another friend asked, "Can I come over and walk the dogs and bring you lunch?" Yes and yes. Thank you. She not only did that (managing two wild dogs; one a bully breed and another very fearful) but she paid for a house cleaner to come, when I was ready, to manage some of the things I simply couldn't.  What a godsend.

These are just a few examples of the blessings we've experienced over the last few weeks. They made me reflect on how I have responded to others experiencing crisis- and my behaviors of friendship overall. They've made me realize that I can't recall when I've done something as wonderful as above for someone else. And for that I am ashamed. I will work harder to be better and do more for others- as they have done for me. Thanks for that gift also. We all need a reality check at times. The last few weeks have given me my share of those, in many respects.

Go forward in great friendship and do great things for others. They'll appreciate it.

Life's Moments of Humor

There is little coaching in this entry. I just wanted to share a humorous epiphany.

As you know I am near-term in my pregnancy, 38 out of 40 weeks. And, as you've likely read or know about me I love to have dinner outside on my patio in the nice months. Bear with me, the story needs set up.

So, as we're enjoying our meals outdoors I realize the mosquitoes are in full force. Rather than immediately go in, I test fate. And, fate wins. So, I end up with quite a few bites. They itched with vengeance in the middle of the night of course during my multiple trips downstairs to the bathroom. Where is that Witch Hazel when you need it!?  But, alas, I make it through the night. Moody as I might have been.

The next morning I opt to put on my new pair of shoes. *Sidebar, I had to get size 11's to fit my ultra-swollen feet. And, the shoes are far from attractive, but they fit and I try to assure myself comfort IS what matters. Still working on that issue.* The shoes immediately set off a wildfire of itching on the toe that the mosquito claimed the night before. My moodiness has returned. I'm late to get out the door (which is really an anomaly for me and I HATE it) and I clearly either have to go back to flip-flops (which I wrestle with) or find ointment to manage the itching. Witch Hazel found. Cotton balls found. Now, I'm dousing my toe. But, I really should apply some anti-itch cream and band-aid the little bugger (pardon the pun). So, I pull out the well-organized bundle of band-aids that I have near the first aid box in my closet and try to find ONE good band-aid for a toe. Good luck sister!  The toe, like the finger, only trickier, is a hard one to bandage. And, this is the next to smallest toe, so the real estate to cover is tricky. And, now of course, I have too much ointment on which will prevent anything from sticking to it.

Meanwhile, my lovely husband is packing our lunches. He calls out, "do you need help?". My comment cannot be typed for fear of anyone under 18 reading this post. He knows I'm upset- let's leave it at that. He continues packing.

I manage to wipe off some of the excess ointment, probably too much- thus rendering it INeffective, and get a regular-joe band-aid around the little sucker. Keep in mind I am as round as a basketball in the middle and reaching your toes is NO easy feat. I'm lucky to see them. Touching them is a completely different story! OK, foot in shoe. Shoe seems to be okay. Leaving house with lunch. Mood can rise anytime now. :)

Not only is this funny to be looking back but the best part was when I found myself swearing I'd sacrifice the whole box of well-organized band-aids for new fancy ones that are flexible, breathable and have special ones for the toes and fingers. Yes, this task now goes on my agenda. Rid myself of cheap band-aids for the three-times-the-price ones in the name of comfort and ease. The last time I swapped an entire collection of something, I was in my mid-20's and it was underwear!  And, I didn't swap them out for comfort and ease! It was for luxury, sex appeal, fashion, beauty, and simple newness. Boy, have the times changed! Panties to band-aids. Welcome motherhood!

I hope you've enjoyed my moment of humor. Some say that being able to laugh at yourself signals your arrival. We'll I've arrived to say the least.

Dinner on the patio anyone?

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Homegrown Tastes Better

We must confess. This year our garden has taken a backseat in our priority list. But, my husband's planting of raspberries, two years ago, has blossomed and we have hundreds of them now. So bring on the raspberry recipes. (Sort of kidding, since I just love eating them by the handfuls- untouched by any cooking process.)

This year we've committed ourselves to more organic produce and more "clean" foods. That doesn't mean you won't see us at the local pub from time to time having a fry- but for the most part we've developed an eating lifestyle that feels better, healthier.

The beauty of gardening is that you don't need acres of space. Many people do it in large bins or tubs. And, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to make it work. I have no green thumb but I look up what I need to know and wing the rest. Some times I win (like last years tomato crops) and sometimes we don't (like the time we didn't know that zucchini would require the ENTIRE space of the garden). But, the learning piece is part of the beauty of gardening. We slow down on learning new things as we age- and we shouldn't. It's not good for our brains and overall health.

Gardening is also good for the soul. It makes me think back to my ancestors and the work they often did in their fields and on their farms. It offers me a connection. Not to mention, its a great break from the ordinary chores we find ourselves doing. And, some people find it therapeutic to dig with their bare hands in the dirt. I'm one of them. (Although in my current state I can't really bend over to do this well.)

My basil, rosemary, tomatoes and raspberries taste better than any I could buy in the market. And, I know what went into and on them. I invite my friends over to pick from our garden often. One of our dearest friends plans to come by tomorrow to pick some fresh basil for a salad she's taking to a potluck dinner. That sharing feels good too.

Garden for your health, your community and your connection to days gone by.

Happy gardening.