Salute to a Mother's Sacrifice

It would be remiss of me to not blog about my mother as we near Mother’s Day 2009.

If you’ve ever heard me speak, you’ve likely heard me speak about my mother. I attribute every great thing I am, have done or will do, to her parenting. All the bad things…. Well they must be from the father I never met. (insert smile here)

I was raised by a single mother. She got pregnant with me very young. Her hopes of one day becoming a nurse were drawn to a close as she made plans to try to raise me the best she could. I had a great life growing up. She experienced many hard times, but I was mostly oblivious to it. I knew we didn’t have much money but money was not the mainstay of a child’s life. We lived in a row of little houses and duplexes with other single parents and an abundance of children to play with. My childhood memories are very happy. I was spoiled rotten- with love.

My mother often worked a full and part time job during her life to make ends meet. I’ll never forget the day I went to her part-time job (dishwasher at a large department store that no longer exists) to tell her I got into Temple University. (She hadn’t even known I applied.) I remember the shock, the joy and the tears. She was elated that her only child was going to college. But, she was also numb with the prospect of me asking for her to help pay for it. I never did ask. I wouldn’t have dared. She had done quite enough to give me the tools I would need to be successful. Now it was my turn to show her how much I learned. I learned successful and rewarding life strategies each and every day in her shadow.

My hat is off to my mom and every mom out there who has sacrificed for her child/ren.

Remember, being perfect is overrated. We don’t want or expect mothers to do that. We just hope you show us your best so we can learn it and one day show it to someone too.

What Pumps You Up?

If your life were a line, such as the heart monitor, what would it look like? Does it have lots of peaks and valleys? Were there years or months when you were always up? (Up meaning on top of it all, feeling great, happy with where you were and who you were, not up as in stress level.)

Now, think about the last 6 months. Where were your peaks and valleys? What was going on? Who were you around or what were you working on?

I strongly encourage you to make the choice about how you want to live- in a peak or a valley. Recognize that it is always a choice (even if we prefer to blame it on outside circumstances). Then, take proactive steps to live in the way of your choice.

If you chose to live in a peak, or at least begin your assent, here are some recommendations:

• Choose your theme song. Something that you hear and the car accelerator goes down (not literally). You immediately get pumped up just hearing the first chord.


• Surround yourself with others who are living in peaks and stay away from those who prefer the valley (no matter who they are)


• Identify a profession or set of tasks that allow you to shine and/or challenge and conquer and/or fuel your passion, etc.... (realize how much of your life is work and how important it is that work is mostly enjoyable and keeping you in a peak)


• Have a plan for moments when a valley is around the corner- weekly yoga class, overnight retreat, friend available for dinner at your favorite restaurant, favorite exercise, etc...

How do you choose to live? How are your activities and mindset in line with that choice?

Now, put on your theme song and get ready to sour!

This Isn't Your Grandma's World Anymore....

In today's environment you have to think bigger, bolder, more brazen than the next person, if...

• you want a new job,
• you really want that client,
• you want that scholarship, etc...

This isn't the world where you can just send in your resume and land the position. Or, you can just call the prospective client and land the contract. No, you have to use your best ideas today, outside the conventional ones.

First, use your network. Connect to who or what you want through the people you've spend years cultivating relationships with. This helped me get on radio shows and get some of my best speaking opportunities. If you don't have a network, start to build one today.

Second, make yourself unique. This may mean rewriting your resume to really grab attention and drive home your specialities (that match what they are looking for). It also may mean having the marketing materials that appeal directly to that prospective client. This is not the time to be shy or sound like the next gal or guy in line. You have to stand out.

Third, use your tools. Go directly to the client- rather than send a letter or call. Send a package that distinguishes itself- use video, audio clips, posters versus letters... you get my drift. Be big and bold. Be different. Send samples. Send testimonials. Put them in video! Send it FedEx.

Personal Example: I recently created a campaign for major retailer to sell my audio book on World War II. I put together a CD with a video introduction specifically for them, videos of interviews I've done on the evening news and at radio events, and a radio interview. That was in addition to the required items requested in a letter and a sample of the product. I further not only advocated for sale of my audio book, I made suggestions as to how I can help them in personal promotions around the country. I'm sure to get attention. And, it was a lot of fun to put together. I will keep you posted.

What Make Women Happy...

A recent poll said that the happiest women do 3 things:

• cancel appointments for more "me" time
• don't always answer their phone and
• know how to say no

I love these women. I am one of them.

You must first harness the fact that you have to be well to serve others. Well means you have to be (or should very well be) healthy, happy, vibrant, optimistic, full of hope, ready to dive into the task, etc..... Serving others is what we do in our families, relationships, with our best friends, in our community, our professional positions...

You can't serve well when you are not taking good care of yourself.

Let me say it another way, no one gets the best of you if the best isn't even available.

So, reconsider over scheduling yourself. Remember you are not in emergency services and people shouldn't be able to reach you 24/7. Voicemail is a wonderful tool. Use it! And, please if you learn only one word this year, let it be NO. Say NO to that committee, task, job, trip and YES to you.

It is Real Simple

It is Real Simple... the magazine. I love it. I have been reading it for years.

The January issue particularly speaks to my heart as a coach. They asked women what was on their NOT-TO-DO list for 2009. Here's a sampling...

• I won't over commit.
• I'm going to stop being a people pleaser.
• I won't do office work at home on Sundays.
• I will stop saving things for special occasions.
• I will not make the same promises I have year after year. This year I'll be less judgmental, take the dog out more, and overlook my husband's inability to fold towels.

I love them! We are finally getting it! The best thing you can do for yourself, your family and your career is to STOP. Stop what you are doing. Do an analysis of what it is that you do everyday. And, then refine it to be more powerful, more productive, more meaningful, healthier, happier, etc..... (what ever it is that YOU need now) even if that means slowing down!

Enjoy your life. Don't let it slip away.

Recall Your Early Motivations to Foster Progress

As you are starting a new year, you are likely clearing out files and such from years past. I encourage you to take your time and review your early work for renewed inspiration.

If you are a business owner:
Review your thoughts, drawings, notes, emails and other work that you did before the start and in the beginning of your business (or a particular project).

If you are a student:
Review your early writings and other work.

If you are a parent:
Review your journal and/or thoughts of parenting before the children arrived.

If you are a professional:
Revisit items that talked about where you wanted the world to take you. What were your expectations and dreams before life got hectic.

The reason for you to do this is multi-fold:

• You'll revisit why you began the journey. What did you set out to do? Or Why?
• You'll see progress and change. Some you'll like and some you won't. Take this time to think about your new directions.
• You'll see your values, beliefs, and ideas at their rawest. Have they changed? Have you totally lost them?
• You'll get to slow down to evaluate the roses before moving forward. In doing so, you may choose a slightly different path.

Enjoy the adventure.

Make sure you are putting your best foot forward-for yourself- each and every day!

For 10 Minutes Do What You Want

I'd like you to close your door. Turn off all sounds. And, think.

Think of what you'd do today if you had 10 million in the bank.

What would your day look like?

Really think about this for 10 minutes. How would you live?

Now, ask 4 friends or colleagues the same question- today.

Email me your answers at lspahr@spahrconsulting.com

Bank Tellers Can't Add- A warning to business owners

An unnerving incident occurred this week that highlighted the decisions we make in business- and how those decisions may be adversely effecting our favorite clients.

I was at my trusty bank, where I have several accounts, and the teller asks if she could assist me with anything else (good move). I said, yes, there was a pesky charge on one of my accounts for a service fee I didn't recognize.

Problem 1: The teller could view the service fee line item but it was not a description of the fee itself- she had to go to a list of fees and match up the amount to see what it could possibly be

Problem 2: Together we deduced that it was a service fee for a deposit, some time ago, where I added the slip wrong- and the teller didn't catch it. So, the incorrect amount was posted to my account only to be later remedied by corporate. Aren't tellers supposed to check your deposits? Isn't that one of the primary responsibilities they have?

Activities like this make me question the business leaders at work. The bank is supposed to be my advisor and manager of my money. I pay them to do so. I trust them to do so. So, when they fail to do so- why and how are they charging me? Outrageous! I told the lovely teller that this error has me reevaluating my banking options. I further thought it was underhanded of them not to have a description in the line item for the service fee- why not be 100% transparent?

Businesses this is a lesson for you. Don't allow someone to tell you that you should charge your clients, additionally, for things that should be staples in your business. Be mindful that your best clients are finicky and will walk if they feel undervalued. Be smart about your fee structures. Be honest and fair in how you treat your clients. But, above all else, do your job and do it with the utmost of integrity!

Hygiene in the Workplace: It Matters

Last week I was shopping at a major retailer for business supplies. What I witnessed prompted this weeks blog.

I'm far from a germophobe- you can ask my friends and family. However, I realize that the world is getting more health conscious. People are paying attention to illness origin and germs more than they ever have before. Companies have moved to the motto- if you are sick, stay home. That has become an order to promote faster healing as well as keeping the healthy workforce healthy.

The cashier at this major chain had a chronic cough- every 5 seconds she was coughing. Sometimes she'd cover her mouth, other times she wouldn't. She then began picking at her lips with her fingers- a nervous habit or one out of boredom. She was using these same fingers to punch details into the cash register, take my credit card, and touch my purchases. Yuck. Even I was offended. She told me to have a great day. I told her that I hoped she would feel better. And, she looked at me as though I was crazy. Maybe she felt great.

Business owners beware. Part of your training needs to include hygiene and illness. What are employees to do when they are sick? How sick? What behaviors are acceptable in the workplace and not so. We are all familiar with hygiene and behaviors in the food industry. Let's set many of those same standards in other workplaces to foster better business, happier employees and customers, and a healthier environment.

Here's to your health.

Revising the Plans of Life

I can recall being a teenager and laying out some of my future plans. Ironically, college wasn't one of them for this small-town south central PA girl. Falling in love was- to a gorgeous and hard working perfect man. I was also planning to have two children by the time I was 28.

"Wow," is all that I can say when I think back to that plan. Maybe a little "what was I thinking?" too.

Fast forward almost 20 years. I'm 34 (35 next month). I've completed both college and graduate school and have a resume that is 2 pages, condensed. The children never came along. And the perfect man hasn't either. I've realized perfection was a bit far fetched. (smile)

I've watched dear friend realize my original plan. And, I've had the pleasure to live vicariously through them- as they have through me on my very different journey.

I believe planning is great. I think goals drive us to live better. I also believe we can be headed down a path that isn't right for us at times. A wise person will analyze their plan for appropriateness at regular intervals. Is is still the right way to go? Why or why not? Revise when and if necessary.

Don't fail to realize when your path needs readjustments. Don't get caught up in "oh, but for 10 years I've wanted this, so it HAS to happen....". Be smarter than that. Stubbornness and laziness will lead you to fail every time. Don't confuse being driven, goal oriented and focused with being resistant to diversions. A great person who is all of those things also has the ability to revisit the plan, revise and reset the path.

At 34 I dedicated myself to revisiting the more social aspects of my life (versus academic and professional). I'm delighted each day I get to walk in my new path- that came a few decades behind my original plan.

Have fun with your path. Don't take it too seriously that you fail to see the larger pictures.

A Story of Heartbreak and Dedication

I hope that you got to see the Olympics last evening. In the men’s relay they dropped the baton on one of the passes, thus disqualifying team USA. The heartbreak was written all over Tyson Gay’s face when he realized the pass didn’t happen.

The women’s relay then experienced the same devastation. Lauryn Williams, who failed to accept a pass in the previous Olympics, dropped the baton on the pass. Everyone knew she and the Americans were again disqualified. But, Williams returned to pick it up and then ran to the finish anyway. In her interview she twice said, “I HAD to finish.”

I encourage you to accept and overcome the disappointments that come along with working hard towards your goals. Don’t stop just because it can’t be perfect. Finish what you started. You’ll be glad you did.

Purging is Sexy!

Whether its clothes, china, office supplies or data- inventory it, clean it up, and throw it out!

You'll feel lighter, more organized and productive moving forward.

How much stuff is in your home or office that you haven't touched in more than 2 years? Get rid of it! Think of it this way, would you pay to have those items stored at $40 a month? If not, get it out of there and into the hands of someone else who will use it or allow it to squat in their space- not yours!

When I assist people in reorganizing their spaces they often are amazed at what we find- they say, "that's where that went!" or "I forgot I had that!". Good. Keep forgetting. Its going in the bin.

Purge different spaces in your home often.

I purge clothing several times a year- if it hasn't been worn it gets a few more weeks of reprieve. If I still don't wear it- it goes in the bin (rubbish bin or donation bin).

I purge office materials twice per year.

Get the family involved. Ask each family member to donate 20% of their clothing or other goods by looking at what they don't use/wear. Its a nice way to be reminded of how much you have and how much you can assist others who have less. And, bonus- you reclaim your space!

Purging is sexy. Now get in there and just do it!

Women and Internships. Stop the madness.

This blog has nothing to do with women taking part in their own internships. Rather, it is about the dozens of women I have known and worked with who take on the nurturing relationships in their firms (running the internship program) without any benefit.

Stop it.

Stop doing things that yield no additional pay, no mention on your performance review (other than a sentence that is NEVER tied to your salary increase or promotion potential).

I work with clients who want to be on top. They want to be the #1 in their company. Guess what? You need to be a little selfish for that position.

I advise them to become a little selfish- for ONE year- and NOT take on their pet projects in the office that don't DIRECTLY relate to their placement on the totem pole.

Focus on you. Focus on your performance in the role you've been hired for and the role/s you WANT.

Ladies, don't become the nurturer, helper, sitter, g0-to for non-essentials, etc.... Unless it is your primary role and the way that you make money. Its a thankless position (most of the time). Its not a top-performer role. It won't get you to #1 in the company.

Stop taking on the internship program because you are a good person- and "somebody has to". Let that somebody be somebody else.

Where is Your Gold Medal?

Will you be watching the 2008 Olympics staring 08/08/2008?

If so, you'll see men and women who are at the peak of their careers going for the gold. They are the best of the best. They've worked many years to get to where they are. The world will be watching them to see if they succeed or miss the mark.

I enjoy the Olympics for that very reason. I love to support others (even if only from my couch in my living room) and cheer them on. I also love the Olympics because of the way it related to my own life. I'm far from being in top physical condition. I've never won physical challenges in my life. However, I have worked ever so hard on things - for years at a time - and had my work culminate in a win or loss in a matter of minutes. I've desperately wanted for things to happen in my life. I've known both success and failure at things that seemed to mean the world to me (at the time).

What would your gold medal be for? What is it that you strive for? What does a win look and feel like for you at this point in your life?

Do you want to have a baby more than anything? Do you want to be more valued at work? Are you struggling to finish a 10-year task?

Make this Olympic period be yours. Decide what gold you are going for. Train for it. Work at it. Develop your cheering section. Make it happen. These sorts of achievements can be once in a lifetime. Go for it!

Do You Take Responsibility for Other People's Actions?

Recently, I've been disturbed by the level of irresponsibility that exists. However, I'm not talking about on an individual level. I hope that we all accept individuals should be responsible for their actions (well, most individuals there are a few exceptions depending upon age and mental capacity). My upset has been more with the powers that oversee individuals, whether it be a company, a governmental agency, etc...

Your employees/contractors/volunteers... represent you. Your employees/contractors/volunteers... represent your company/city/board... Across all pay ranges and all titles you need to make sure these individuals are acting in a manner that you can be proud of (and bank on). YOU are at risk if they are not. Your company/city/board...is at risk if they are not.

You MUST have strong training programs in place (again, at all levels for everyone). You MUST have frequent examinations (by an outside or unknown party) to test that this training has been implemented. And, you MUST take immediate action when you identify an individual that is not upholding the mission, vision, and values of your work. There are no exceptions.

Remember, the smallest most insignificant interaction to you (or your employee) can turn a potential life-long customer/fan to your competitor. And, they will take all of their friends with them.

Is your "house" in order? Make it a priority for the next 90 days. You'll thank me for it.

Let Gas Prices Inspire You

Much of my life is spent in the car. I work from home two days a week but the majority of my work week is zooming around town meeting with clients.

The rising price of gas has inspired me in several ways.

It has spurred me into reviewing how I drive. The result is that now I plan my travel more carefully to include all my errands and meetings in one area on the same day.

It has also shaken me to take a better look at my own wastefulness in all other resource areas. The result is that I am trying to decrease my use of natural resources to only those I need when I need them.

Thirdly, it has fostered me in revisiting my price points for my business. The result is that some prices that include travel have gone up. While pricing for telephone coaching and office visits have gone done (a great benefit to cost conscious clients).

How have gas prices affected your business and your life overall?

I hope that rather than just be mad about the state of things you can look inward to what you can do to manage through these times. The results of such an examination may just enlighten you. I believe it has me.

So, You’re Getting Divorced… now what?

One in two marriages fails. It’s common. It’s no pleasant. And, it’s not your fault.

I say it’s not your fault (although you soon-to-be-ex-spouse might say it is) because there are so many variables in a marriage. There are outside influences as well. These variables and influences are often overwhelming- and over time- people realize that the “matching factors” that were once in place are no longer.

So, your marriage in ending. I’m not here to save that. I leave that to the therapists- and to you and your spouse. What I am here to do is to move you forward into a new beginning. It’s really a rebirth of you- your life as a single person. It’s hard and you should have help. Your friends will help. Your family too. But, I’d encourage you to hire a coach- an independent, outsider, focused solely on you to help you build the life you want, step by step.

As a coach, I help people weekly (daily if necessary) map out what they need to be doing (sometimes doing it with them) and what/how they need to be thinking to get them to their bright tomorrow. And, trust me, tomorrow is bright.

You are not a failure. Your marriage failed. I’m sure you made mistakes- but we all do- in all facets of our lives. That doesn’t make us a failure.

Get ready for your next adventure.

Are You Interview Ready?

I was listening to National Public Radio (NPR) the other day and they were discussing the number of interviewees who show up dressed inappropriately. It is in fact a huge problem. It prompted me to share some of the things I work with job seeking clients on.

Here are a few essentials:

Why are you targeting your prospective company/position/industry? Nail this down. Win them over with your story on why you want THEM.
Know your strengths and what you’d bring to the table that THEY want. Do your homework by talking to people in the firm. Understand what their model employee looks like (including what skills they have).
Dress for the position. Yes, I know. Your brilliance is not in your dress but in your head. But, at the end of the day you should LOOK like you deserve six figures- or I’d wonder why I’m paying you that.
When it comes time, negotiate your salary and benefits. Ladies, read this again. Negotiate your salary and benefits. Do not accept the first offer. Know your value, industry standards, and their usual pay structure.
Google yourself. They will have done so.

Here are some items that will kill you in an interview:
Talking poorly about your previous or current boss
Being ill prepared (not knowing about their company, people, industry)
Not taking the interview seriously (do you have a pen, notepad or laptop, and are you making them the center of your attention)
Expecting them to ignore your attire or look- or not care
Being too chatty
Dropping your manners
Making immediate friends and telling a non-professional story about yourself
Being too cocky

These things are just the beginning. The basics if you will. If this job is the one you want. Hire a coach. It doesn’t have to be me- just have a right hand in landing this one. Don’t lose it over a few bucks or a poor move that wasn’t planned or executed well.

Good luck. Now, get out there.