That was a Bad Decision!

This week I was reminded of bad decisions. We all make them, sometimes. And, for the most part, we also recognize that they are likely bad decisions. Still, we do them.

I encourage you to identify a bad decision and then chose more wisely. Ask yourself what the true benefits are to the bad choice over the one you know is better for you.

Here are some bad choices:

1. Choosing to get a new puppy when you have a baby (thinking they’ll grow up together and it will be beautiful)

2. Choosing to have someone in your life that is detrimental to your health (physical, mental and emotional)

3. Choosing to open your body or mind to addiction (usually people do this for the short-term benefits)

4. Choosing to let one comment or one experience ruin your day (this can be expanded to week, month and year/s)

5. Choosing to deny yourself joy because you don’t think you deserve it

6. Choosing to let your anger get the best of you by acting out or drowning in a substance rather than accept conflict and work through it openly, honestly, carefully and without further offense to anyone

7. Choosing things that are beyond your means (because you deserve them)

…. The list goes on but I’ll let you create your own.

Today is the day to rid yourself of bad choices. It’s like food choices- you get a lot of chances to practice. If you make a mistake, don’t beat yourself up. Just, strive to better with the next opportunity.

The Power of Choice

I am re-reading some of the business and personal success classics. As I was reviewing Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People last night, I was reminded of my own days of independence. By days of independence I am referring to those moments in time when you declare to make a choice that is harder, against the norm, ill advised by others, or against the grain of what you had done for so long. I've been wildly fortunate to make these declarations so many times in my life that they have now become the norm. My new norm, if you will. Pages 97-144 on Principles of Personal Leadership are my favorite. They discuss the importance of a personal mission statement to serve you, your business and your community. As I pondered this notion I was delighted to relive my discovery of a poem that changed my life.

In 1993 I went to Philadelphia to study at Temple University. They had a poster fair for students. I found one that had made a profound impact on my life. Its called I Am Me by Virginia Satire (1975). That poster hung in my dorm room, later my office, my homes #1, #2 and #3... It still hangs in my bedroom today, more than 15 years after I bought it. Its torn, written on and battered- but that makes it more powerful. I can't tell you how many times I've stopped my day to read it out loud to declare my choice and control on my destiny. It is my mantra. I believe what the poem says, that each of us have the power to change those things about ourselves that are unproductive, unattractive, unwanted, etc... You are your own engineer the poem says. I truly believe that. That belief has allowed me to make choices against the grain... with confidence and power. Here is the poem:

My Declaration of Self-Esteem
by Virginia Satir
I AM ME In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me

Everything that comes out of me is authentically me

Because I alone chose it - I own everything about me

My body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions,

Whether they be to others or to myself - I own my fantasies,

My dreams, my hopes, my fears - I own all my triumphs and

Successes, all my failures and mistakes

Because I own all of Me, I can become intimately acquainted with me -

by so doing

I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts - I know

There are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other

Aspects that I do not know - but as long as I am

Friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously

And hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles

And for ways to find out more about me - However

I Look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever

I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically

Me - If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought

And felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is

Unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that

Which I discarded - I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do

I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be

Productive to make sense and order out of the world of

People and things outside of me - I own me, and therefore

I can engineer me - I am me and

I AM OKAY
© Virginia Satir, 1975.

Perhaps you need to read this mantra out loud too. Perhaps you also need to pick up the 7 Habits and give it another look as to how it belongs in your life today.

Open your life to new interpretations and revisit older inspirations.

What Pumps You Up?

If your life were a line, such as the heart monitor, what would it look like? Does it have lots of peaks and valleys? Were there years or months when you were always up? (Up meaning on top of it all, feeling great, happy with where you were and who you were, not up as in stress level.)

Now, think about the last 6 months. Where were your peaks and valleys? What was going on? Who were you around or what were you working on?

I strongly encourage you to make the choice about how you want to live- in a peak or a valley. Recognize that it is always a choice (even if we prefer to blame it on outside circumstances). Then, take proactive steps to live in the way of your choice.

If you chose to live in a peak, or at least begin your assent, here are some recommendations:

• Choose your theme song. Something that you hear and the car accelerator goes down (not literally). You immediately get pumped up just hearing the first chord.


• Surround yourself with others who are living in peaks and stay away from those who prefer the valley (no matter who they are)


• Identify a profession or set of tasks that allow you to shine and/or challenge and conquer and/or fuel your passion, etc.... (realize how much of your life is work and how important it is that work is mostly enjoyable and keeping you in a peak)


• Have a plan for moments when a valley is around the corner- weekly yoga class, overnight retreat, friend available for dinner at your favorite restaurant, favorite exercise, etc...

How do you choose to live? How are your activities and mindset in line with that choice?

Now, put on your theme song and get ready to sour!

Change can be a Difficult Choice.. and the Wrong One too.

This week I was a honored to attend the Salute to Heroes Inaugural Ball in Washington DC. The Salute to Heroes Ball is not an "official" ball but it has welcomed the President, Vice President and their respective spouses since it began in 1953.

This particular ball is so very special because of its honorees, the Congressional Medal of Honor winners. This award is the highest military honor to be given to anyone, and is often done posthumously. This year we had 48 Medal of Honor recipients present at the Salute to Heroes Ball. That is almost half of those who are still living. It was incredible to be in that room.

Where does change come into play here? Well, this year was different because the incoming President (whom I voted for) did not attend the Ball. He attended others but not this one. This was the first time in history that the President did not attend and spend a few minutes honoring these heroes. So many of us were disappointed.

Clearly, his schedule was packed. Clearly they were off course with timing that day. Clearly everyone wanted him at their ball. ..... Yes, all of that is very true. But, his decision to not attend this Ball, made in the days ahead when he sent a letter to the leading host organization with his regrets, has profoundly impacted many of the people who were there. Remember, I said I voted for him. I wouldn't set him up for failure or look for areas to complain about... but he has given me one for the record books, literally.

This lesson is not just for people in high power, like our President. This lesson is for all of us as we change things in our lives or make decisions that others are anticipating another course of action. Beware. Your decisions and actions may appear subtle to you but they may severely leave a bad taste in someone's mouth. Someone, who you may need to call upon in the future for a need you have.

Personally, I'd rather have a celebrity mad at me for not shaking hands than look away from the men and women who have served our country so honorably. And, did I mention that we are at war? Even President Clinton came to the Ball when it was his time! The argument could go on but what is done is done. President Obama missed a wonderful opportunity and failed in his responsibility to honor our nation's greatest veterans.

Remember, you are responsible for your decisions and your actions. Take them seriously. Consider the negative consequences before acting.