How Do You Judge Another's Pain?

How often do you find yourself saying, "I can't believe s/he is taking it so hard." We, as human beings, often judge the pain or trauma of others based on our own experiences, tolerances and expectations.

I read this article, from the New York Times, this week and it opened several conversations in our home on judgment, depression, ethics and compassion. I will warn you the article has some graphic descriptions and content of a crime scene. It is not meant for younger readers, in my opinion, or those who might otherwise be sensitive to such material.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/25/nyregion/25chimp.html?emc=eta1

The next time you find yourself judging another's pain or trauma, I encourage you to step back and reexamine your own reaction. Then, try to remind yourself that each of us react differently to different stimuli. We have unique experiences, skill sets, feelings and vulnerabilities. If you care for the person, you should try hard to NOT judge their pain or reaction, but work hard to support them in ways you may know how or ways you learn to. Also, encourage anyone who is having a particularly hard time coping with any situation to contact their EAP (employee assistance programs), a crisis center, or therapist for a consultation.

Coaching VS Therapy

I am often asked about the differences between coaching and therapy. I imagine that each coach and therapist would answer this question somewhat differently depending upon their approach and background. As a psychologist, researcher and business professional here is my answer to that very good question- from my perspective as a life coach.

Life Coaching
Foundation
o Goals and actions oriented
Frequency
o Daily, weekly or monthly
Focus
o Planned course of actions and steps
Duration
o Determined amount of time (average 3-6 months)
Approach
o Actions and mindset review
Location
o Flexible location or via telephone


Therapy
Foundation
o Thoughts and feelings oriented
Frequency
o Weekly, biweekly or Monthly
Focus
o Fluid and flexible sessions
Duration
o Long-term
Approach
o Varies, may involve medications
Location
o Therapist office appointments

Can you have both?
Yes, I sometimes work with clients who are already working with a therapist. Often these relationships are on-going and long-standing. Their bond and working relationship has developed to focus on various areas of their lives- typically from the angle of exploring their thoughts and feelings. My work is not meant in any way to interfere with that relationship or the progress taking place. In fact, coaching is meant to further develop the client’s progress and success by working with them on a step-by-step action plan to get them toward specific goal achievement. Doing so may require an interdisciplinary approach which could include both a therapist and a coach.