Boy, is She Annoying?

I recently watched a well-known, and I believe well-loved, talk show host and chef on her daily show. I must have been a captive victim, in an airplane or something. The situation is escaping me. As you know I don’t watch much television and I certainly don’t make it a daily chore to watch anything consistently- except the Office.

Wow. I found her to be outrageous! She was so very offensive to her audience (I hope they realized it… or maybe I don’t, ignorance can be joy to some). She was attempting to multi-task (cook and take questions) and was doing it poorly. Her inability to do so made her responses short and insulting. Let me give you an example:

(audience member) Q: XXX, I really love your show. I struggle to make risotto. I find it so hard. What is your secret?

(host) A: Risotto is not hard. There is nothing to it. 20 minutes on the fire with constant stirring and steady addition of the risotto is all.

Do you see what I see? Someone told her that they struggle with something and that they find it hard (they emphasized their challenge) and she told them they were wrong. It’s easy. Look at me! Ugh.

The other offense she made was not allowing guests to ask their questions completely. She cut them off about 10 words in- every time. Mind you, she never cut them off when they were singing praises about her. Outrageous. I understand TV is on a timeline between commercials but that is something you control for in other ways. Allowing the host to look rude and insult is only acceptable if that is the show you are running (and sadly there are those shows out there).
Some people are a long winded and their question is quite intelligent and complex- they need more than 10 words to get there!

I’m saddened, but not surprised, that someone that seems annoyed by her guests, is arrogant and offensive has her own show, magazine, etc… She clearly has a following.

Unfortunately this happens, we fall in love with someone and we try to remain true to that love no matter what they do to us. We want to still love them. But, at some point we have to open our eyes and witness it from today’s perspective. Not 10 years ago. Maybe they once were great to us (and themselves). And, now maybe they are just great to themselves. Time to find another love.

Today’s blog is to remind us to live with our eyes open, with a perspective of today and the future. The past is the past. Don’t allow it to dictate your today or your tomorrow.

Also, be mindful when you’ve lost your own way and are no longer delivering the quality of care others deserve (in your work or your home life). Be your best- every day. Don’t slack off. You may find yourself without a fan base if you do.

Sensitivity. Does anybody have any anymore?

Recently I was at the doctor’s office. I was there to have a second ultrasound to examine a cyst on my ovary. Later that day I was to have a biopsy on some tissue in my cervix- an altogether unrelated issue but ultimately tragic as far as timing goes. What a day!

All of that I could deal with. The trouble came when I walked into the ultrasound office to be surrounded by pregnant women, photos of babies (hundreds of them) on the wall and an air of family planning. What a great place this would be for those expecting. Not such a great place for those trying to conceive who are having difficulty (and I don’t consider myself in this class). Not a great place to be as you contemplate cancer which may interfere with your reproduction possibilities in the future.

This experience brings me to the topic of sensitivity. Professionally we owe it to our clients and those who encounter our business or work within it. Personally, we should strive to deliver it in our daily lives. But, how does one acquire sensitivity? Do we know when we are being insensitive, absent someone telling us?

Here are three keys to becoming more sensitive:
1. Open your eyes. Observe more. Recognize when someone’s facial expression changes. Be aware of someone’s physical challenges. Become an investigator with trained eyes as you look at people and a given situation.
2. Step outside of yourself. Ask yourself how that person (or a person with a different situation) might feel in this setting? This exercise will increase your IQ and make you see the world far differently, if you do it often enough. You can think of people you know or know about- how would they feel or what would you imagine they’d think in this situation? You can do it.
3. Be willing to ask. When in doubt, ask. Ask politely with compassion as the foundation. Very few people will be offended at that. Instead of, “I have no idea why or how that offended you!” Ask, “I’m asking because I don’t know but I want to better understand. Can you tell me how you’d feel if….?” Or, “I’m concerned that I may have (or my colleague may have) offended you in some way. Can you help me understand so that I don’t make the same mistake again?” Let people know that you want to be sensitive to their needs/culture/desires, etc…. Be honest. Be willing to learn something.

Yes, some will say, “Get over it. Everything seems offensive to someone today.” Yes, to some degree I understand what you are saying and even agree with you. But, why wouldn’t you want to know when you are the one offending others? Why wouldn’t you want to try to understand where they are coming from? It’s not only affecting your business but its affecting your relationships (which can also affect your business).

Think about the last time you were sensitive to something. How did it make you feel? Wouldn’t you have wanted someone to try to make right on the situation?

In my above example, I believe the hospital should only send family planning ultrasounds to that particular office. I think they should send all others to another facility 2 blocks away and/or another ultrasound office in the same building (if they have one). I can only imagine a woman falling apart in there as a result of the setting. It wasn’t me on that day but it could have been.

Know When to Say When....

Being back in Philly… it was incredible.

I lived in Philadelphia from 1993-1997 while attending Temple University. I lived in North, West and then the art museum area. I loved it. Sure, it had its ups and downs but I loved it. I always said if I found a great job back there I would have returned.

Fast forward 12 years later. I went to Philadelphia last week for a few reasons: the PA Governor’s Conference for Women on Thursday, a book signing at the Big Blue Marble Bookstore in Mt. Airy on Friday and to meet Flavius Jankauaskas, a hero in my book World War II Radio Heroes, on Saturday. Plus I planned to hit some of the old stomping grounds.

My trip was filled with mixed emotions. I walked some of the same paths I had taken years before. Now, with more money- so I splurged on restaurants I could have never afforded to go to as a student. But, with the same sense of uncertainty. Then it was about where I’d go from here. Now, it was about what I had hoped Philly would do for me today.

I must confess that safety was an issue for me. Likely because when I lived there I was attacked. I had recovered, what I thought, was relatively quickly from it but nevertheless a feeling of security avoided me while I was there trying to visit the random sections of the city I had once known. I am also less accustomed to vagrancy as it exists in Philadlelphia. I live in a city-dwelling of Pittsburgh yet am removed from most homelessness and begging as I encountered in Philly.

And, the city seemed far younger than I was comfortable with. Everyone was out for a night on the town while I walked or rode in the taxi solo. I just wanted an outstanding meal- minus the shots of jagermeister and the flirtation of the guy next to me.

I visited one of the old homes I occupied while living there. It seemed littered and sad. Not the youthful, hip, open-door place I had recalled.

I could go on.. but perhaps over a coffee one day I’ll tell you the rest.

Final note: the SEPTA smelled. Not necessarily bad, just smelled. I passed an entrance and quickly recalled the familiar odor. It didn’t repulse me but it did jog my memory to only that which it was- SEPTA. I rode it again for old times. Yep, got lost again- bad directions from one of the cashiers.

Okay, one more, just because I’m feeling moody about this… This was the only place in the world I have asked 3 people to take a picture of me and a friend and heard the word “NO”. They acted as if I was trying to sell them something. It was rude. I’ve journeyed all over this beautiful world and this is how my beloved city of Philadelphia treated me.

I share this because I am enthralled with the experience. But I also share it as a coaching moment, believe it or not.

REALIZE WHEN YOU’VE OUTGROWN A PLACE.
REALIZE WHEN A PLACE CAN NO LONGER LIVE UP TO YOUR POTENTIAL.
KNOW WHEN TO SAY WHEN.
GROW UP.

I have. Philly is no longer that place I dream about returning. It’s that place I may enjoy heading back to for a couple days with a friend but not more than that. Thanks Philly for being what you were when I needed you to be that.

Now, let’s focus on the G-20 coming to Pittsburgh this week.

Multi-tasking and Juggling is OUT; Focus and Prioritization is IN

We’ve been hearing it for a while. After we all became comfortable with touting our multi-tasking abilities! The news hit…. multi-taskers don’t get quality work done.

We’ve tried to hide from the truth. Hoping the results would be different. But they aren’t.

STOP multi-tasking. STOP having 10 balls in the air at one time. You aren’t doing yourself, your family or your company any favors.

START to focus. START to prioritize your projects and activities. START to apply 100% of yourself to ONE thing at a time.

Here’s how it can look (customize it to your day and activities):

7:30-8:00 Creative writing or reading of industry articles
8:00-8:20 Email
8:20-8:45 Phone calls that you prioritized that need to go out
8:45-9:15 Activity 1 (30 minutes of dedicated time without interruptions)
Stretch or take a 5 minute break
9:20-11:30 Activity (uninterrupted)
11:30-11:45 Email
11:45-12:00 Phone calls that you prioritized that need to go out

Here’s how it should NOT look:

(NO dedicated time to email, phone and creative process or specific tasking)
Constant review of email
Constant calls received and made
5 minutes of activity #1
Take phone call
8 minutes of activity #2
Respond to someone on Facebook
3 minutes of activity #3
Unsolicited phone call received
Lunch at your desk reading email and trying to read an industry magazine article

…. You get the picture

Focus. Prioritize. And for goodness sake, stop saying, "I'm a great multi-tasker." Thats so passe.

Join me in Philadelphia September 16-19th!

Join me in Philadelphia this week!

The Pennsylvania's Governor's Conference for Women will be held on Thursday, September 17th. Visit http://www.pagovernorsconferenceforwomen.org/ for more details.

On Friday, September 18th, I'll be signing books at the Big Blue Marble Bookstore in Mt. Airy. Visit http://www.bigbluemarblebooks.com/ for more information.

It will be good to be back on my old stomping grounds. I left Philadelphia when I graduated from Temple University in 1997. I've missed it so much. I'm looking forward to visiting some of the old neighborhoods, eateries and of course, the Temple Bookstore to pick up a few goodies to show off my pride.

Jump Start Your Creativity

I didn’t think of myself as a creative person until I was in my 30’s. I’m not sure if it was entertaining or networking and business needs that brought it out in me, but nevertheless I now consider myself (as others do) to be pretty creative.

To jump start your creativity or to find it, I encourage you to do the following:

• Every few minutes ask yourself, “wouldn’t it be cool if….”?
  

Allow your imagination to take hold and start to dream of the possibilities or the non-possibilities that would be great if they existed!

Another creativity trick is to hone in your observations skills.

• Start to pay closer attention to other people’s creativity. Identify someone or something that you think is creative. Upon labeling it as creative think about your own ability to do it or something similar. Before you know it you’ll be putting your own spin on a creative work.
  
  

Remember, we are what we eat. The same philosophy holds for ‘we are what we surround ourselves with”. If you want to embody something, surround yourself with people who have that attribute. Read about it. Think about it. And, it will be.

It’s that simple. Now, wouldn’t it be cool if…..

5 Tips for Pursuing Employment

It’s a wild emotional rollercoaster ride- being gainfully employed and feeling secure than then given the dreaded “we don’t need you anymore” or “we can’t afford to keep you on” line.

At first you may rationalize that a few weeks or months off will do you good. After all, you’ll be getting unemployment (if you are lucky). Why not take a rest?

But at some point you’ll start to worry. You’ll hear of others not getting jobs and not being able to care for themselves and their families. You’ll start to wonder what kind of job you’ll have to take to make ends meet.

You’ll go through various stages- anger, depression, self-pity, annoyance, defiance, sadness, guilt…. It won’t be easy. But, it will pass if you put yourself on the right track.

Here are 5 Tips for getting you on the right track:

1. Get up every day at a decent hour (say 7 AM) and get out of the house.
2. Volunteer at least 20 hours a week at a place or with people you will enjoy and feel like your contribution matters (animal shelters, religious institutions, senior centers, non-profits of all sorts, hospitals, etc…).
3. Go to at least 2 networking groups or social group events each week. (Google groups in your area for various areas of interest- there are also groups for the unemployed)
4. Have a resume ready to go for each area of interest you have or area you may want to target (a general resume, a technical resume, a “field-specific” resume like healthcare).
5. Let everyone in your life know that you are looking for your next position (not job) in the xxx area. Make sure people know you are looking and they are looking out for you. Don’t make it sound desperate- keep it positive and professional. Make sure they know what you do or want to do. Help them help you better. And, don’t forget to ask them how you can help them!
6. Bonus Tip #6: It goes without saying, but you should be spending at least 2 hours a day actively looking for open positions and targeting companies you want to work for. Call them. Submit resumes. Don’t just spend your time in the “research” mode. You must be in the “sending” “calling” and “doing” modes. You can’t be interviewed for what you don’t put in for!
   
   If you like these tips let me know and I’ll send you 5 more!